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Singin' the Fontainebleau shut-out blues?

We're hard pressed to find an opening, or reopening, rather, that has elicited as much anticipation, excitement and desperation for an invitation as this weekend's Fontainebleau unveiling. While tonight's star-studded gala with ''surprise'' performer -- someone major, we're told -- fancy cocktail party and dinner is a hot ticket, the hottest ticket in town is Saturday's harder-to-come-by-than-snow-in-Miami Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The sexy, skimpy show, to air Dec. 3 on CBS, features supermodels...

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That Saturday morning siesta will have to wait

For many, Sunday and Monday are dead days when it comes to partying. But never Saturday. Until now. Mary Brickell Village hot spot Rosa Mexicano is rolling out the morbid as it celebrates Dia de los Muertos, aka the Day of the Dead, with a monthlong fiesta including a cooking demonstration and luncheon on Saturday at the ungodly hour of 10 a.m. Good thing -- the $35 charge is all inclusive so your wallet won't be dead afterward. For reservations, call 786-425-1001.

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Kooky to spooky venues win our vote

It's finally here, the moment we've all been waiting for. For some it will be scarier than others, but we're not talking Halloween. We're talking about the presidential election on Tuesday, a day that can't come any sooner for those who are having nightmares about hanging chads, James Carville and his merry gang of pundits. But before we face that music, it is time to celebrate and mask reality with a little harmless fun on Friday.

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So many hip parties, so little time

It wasn't too long ago when there was absolutely nothing to do on a Saturday night beyond the usual (and often mundane) lounge and club hopping -- a routine that resembled the nocturnal version of Groundhog Day with the same people saying the same things at the same places where you saw them the night before. Thankfully we have broken out of that rut and are now faced with different dilemmas of what to do on a Saturday night, not because we're bored, but because there's just too much. Double and...

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Throwing parties that'll make you swoon

When it comes to nightlife these days, sometimes we wish that creativity was flowing as freely as the cocktails. Such may be the case at Swoon, the new biweekly Friday night dinner party at The Forge created by a nocturnal collaborative known as the Fraternity of Artistic Souls, the brainchild of Maxwell Blandford, Shareef Malnik and Ernesto Arambatzis. But this isn't your older brother's Animal House. Instead, Swoon is a refined dinner party featuring a three-course menu, white glove service, a...

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Parties we can all feel good about

Some things in life are inexplicable -- the success of David Hasselhoff in Germany, Lindsay Lohan, and why some hot spots think they can open anywhere and do well. Take for example the now-defunct Nikki Beach in Coconut Grove, where there was no beach, no vibe and a view of a parking lot. Luckily, the original Nikki Beach on South Beach still continues to thrive, as it does all over the globe, where it takes the beach part of its name wisely and literally. We'll remember why the beach club has been...

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We'll be going Locos after midnight

It's too early to start going crazy about what to be for Halloween, so instead, get Locos Por Juana, the Grammy-nominated band that will perform an intimate concert Friday night at Circa 28 along with Elastic Bond and their musical pals. Show starts at midnight; cover is $10 after midnight.

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Finding a good time in these hard times

In turbulent times, there's nothing better than going out with reckless abandon -- that is, if you still have the cash to do so. Some people here still do and those who don't pretend they do, so greetings from Miami, wish you were here!

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If you remember Amnesia, Sunday's for you

When it comes to nightlife, selective memory is key, especially for those sloppy nights of random PDA and Britney-caliber train wrecks on the dance floor. Now imagine trying to remember way back to, say, the early '90s, when the place now known as Opium Garden was called Amnesia and where Sunday Tea Dances and those gimmicky, soapy foam parties ruled. For some, the memories are as muddled as a mojito and for others, they are as clear as night. Wherever you stand or stumble, thanks to Edison Farrow...

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How 'bout a caipirinha there, cowboy?

In a nocturnal version of an exchange student program, the Euro jet-setter crowd of Laurent Bourgade's Wednesday night Sounds of Life cocktail and dinner a-go-go has settled into the sprawling space that is Texas de Brazil, while a new monthly party known as Samba e Alegria will debut Saturday at the decidedly Euro-fab Badrutt's Place. It's an interesting juxtaposition of cultures that works in a city like ours, where everyone is from somewhere else. Badrutt's homage to Brazil, presented by Moleca...

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Looking for a reason to celebrate?

Since our own Independence Day is just a blurry fragment of a memory now, why not watch sparks fly as you celebrate another country's freedom? You can do so on Sunday when Sushi Samba throws a Brazilian Independence Day celebration beginning at 8 p.m. with live music and dancing featuring famed performer Gil Santos along with dancers and Brazilian drummers. A second show is at 9:30 p.m. On the menu: specialty cocktails such as the Bandeira, a $12 mix of pinot grigio and cachaca, and specialty dishes...

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We're getting punked at Churchill's Pub

What better way to kick off the end of the whimper that was summer than with a pioneer of hard core punk, Paul ''HR'' Hudson, the frontman of Bad Brains, whose last album was produced by Beastie Boy Adam Yauch. Hudson is in town to promote his new solo album, Hey Wella, to be released Sept. 30, and will be performing a highly anticipated set at Churchill's Pub on Saturday. Doors open at 8 p.m., and the cover charge is just $10.

For DJ Calderone, it's about time at Space

There are some things in life we take for granted -- attention spans (that is, if they exist); original, not sampled music; The National Enquirer; and clubs that have been around for more than a month. One such place is Space, that vast temple of techno fabulousness downtown, where Saturday, for the first time in its illustrious history, DJ Victor Calderone will spin. Really? The first time in Space's existence? Wow. It seemed as if every DJ who ever got out of bed for more than $10,000 a night...

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At this rate, we can all see it like a tourist

With the current economic situation causing a downturn in tourism, some haute hotels are practically giving away rooms at $99-a-night rates. So on one recent Saturday we channeled that tourist vibe at the Gansevoort South and laid out at the pool with a colorful crowd of folk, including some straight out of Central Casting for The Sopranos. We didn't care who was local, who wasn't -- the vibe rocked.

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We're bringin' it back to Tobacco Road

Festivals in Miami are usually of enormous proportions -- and prices. South Beach Wine and Food Festival comes to mind; Winter Music Conference, though lacking the actual word ''festival,'' is quite voluminous as well. But much as we love those big gatherings, we also love the idea of Tobacco Road's Little Art & Music Festival, taking place from 8 p.m.-4 a.m Friday. It's not so little either, featuring 15 bands, three stages, artists and various vendors hawking various wares. Also: live painting...

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Rappers and poets and artists -- oh my!

It's no secret that some of us, ahem, love little, off-the-beaten-path places, especially in this town, where paths may be off and may be beaten but rarely does the twain meet. One of those places is Circa 28 in Wynwood. On Friday, a bigger than usual fusion of art, poetry and music will occur, beginning with a live performance by monthly resident band Elastic Bond at 11 p.m. and continuing with poetry by Debrorah Magdalena, graffiti by Rok One, Fisik and Audet, a photo shoot by Alissa Christine...

AFTER DARK

Summer's hot, hot, hot in clubland

Summer sure is flying by, and by no means has it been deadsville down here this time. Don't believe us? Just join Facebook and read the countless promoters' shameless plugs -- all CAPS and multiple exclamation points included!!! -- on the best parties ever! Sometimes we think the real party's on Facebook, but that's not the case when acts like, say, LMFAO come to Mansion. The ''New '80s'' duo will perform there on Saturday night, even if its name is indeed the online equivalent of pre-recorded audience...

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Here's to hot swimsuits, cool pool parties

Summer is going rather swimmingly, we guess, and this weekend really promises to be a splashy affair thanks to the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Swim shows, a bathing suit trade show of sorts where clothing is almost optional. Although the shows taking place at the Raleigh Hotel are by-invitation-only, the requisite parties will coincide. While some may be harder to slip into than an overweight dude trying on a Speedo, others not so much. Good news for those who live on credit, though: All you need...

SCENE IN THE TROPICS

Note to Hulk: Not in front of the kids!

Brooke Hogan celebrated the premiere of her new reality show Brooke Knows Best at Mansion on Saturday night with show co-stars Glenn Packard and Ashley Menendez. The party featured a performance by Hogan along with roommate Packard's burlesque troop, The Knockouts. Also there, Hogan's dad Hulk, along with girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel, who, according to sources, ''is a spitting image of Brooke and was constantly being confused with Hulk's daughter as she made out with him all night.'' Ew. Hulk was...

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Experts shed light on clubs gone dark

When our forefathers named it Independence Day, we don't think they pulled a Nostradamus and predicted that it could possibly apply to the fact that Miami has, of late, freed itself of more than a handful of formerly hot night spots. Among those that have recently closed their doors for good: Suite/Snatch, Karu & Y, Oxygen, Cielo, and Dek 23. Not exactly encouraging news for the so-called nightlife capital of the country, if not the world. We decided to talk to those who shape the nightlife scene...

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Clubland lights up as fireworks fade

If you haven't felt sparks yet, just wait until tonight when everyone and their mother attempts to prove their pyrotechnic expertise. Happy July 4, folks. Enjoy it at your own risk. And while for some the party's over as soon as the fireworks finale fades from the sky, for many it continues the entire weekend.

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You can find fun on Mystery Mondays

Summer television is pretty abysmal -- in two words: Celebrity Circus. It would be one thing if Charles Nelson Reilly were still around or Wayland Flowers and Madame, but they're not, and we're sorry, Peter Brady on the high wire just doesn't cut it. Thankfully we have enough characters around here to keep us entertained and away from the dreck on the small screen. And while Celeb Circus airs on Wednesdays (not that we watch, we swear), Monday night TV blows, too. Thankfully we don't have to sit...

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It's time for cocktails and drag divas

As summer slowly -- and we mean slowly -- creeps its way upon us, ambitious and eager locals do all they can to keep us entertained, if but for a night, or in the case of the first SoBe Fest, an entire weekend. From Friday through Sunday, Miami Beach will host the only gay weekend of the summer, with eight events being held at seven of the city's most colorful venues -- the Catalina, Score, Halo, Gem, Palace Bar, Dek23 and Twist. Each venue will have live DJ and performances by local, national and...

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Jazid: Live -- and alive -- after 12 years

Some people are impervious to certain things -- and luckily so, especially when there's a recession allegedly looming. Take Jazid, for instance, the live music landmark celebrating its 12th anniversary party this weekend. Pretty impressive in a town where trends and hot spots are as ephemeral as visiting A-listers. And Jazid has one up on many of those, because when stars come there, they usually jam out instead of zone out in some remote VIP room. A few months back, Prince played live with Locos...

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With snowbirds away, locals will play

Just because hurricane season is two days away doesn't mean you have to batten down your social hatches and stay inside. Now's the time for us locals to take back our city and appreciate the things that throngs of tourists pay good money for. We recommend checking out Bella Rose, the new bar/lounge at 423 16th St. in Miami Beach, where one recent Friday night some of us, ahem, were just mesmerized by the video screens playing old-school Janet Jackson, Biggie Smalls, Snoop Dogg and even SWV. A purely...