Marlon Wayans has his own philosophy about Christian Grey.

The actor-comedian is well within his rights to judge the antihero of Fifty Shades of Grey, E.L. James’ wildly popular erotic novel-turned-movie that raised bondage to an art form. That’s because Wayans is spoofing Grey, playing Christian Black, in Fifty Shades of Black, in theaters. Get the name change? Of course you do.

Wayans came up with the idea for the parody a few years ago, soon after the book came out in 2011.

“I seen all these girls reading Fifty Shades on the plane or in the Coffee Bean, and they were getting all excited,” said the native New Yorker from the W South Beach Thursday. “I was like, ‘What’s going on here?’ ”

After reading the book himself, the funnyman behind The Haunted House franchise deduced something that few others did: Christian wasn’t all that in the bedroom.

“That guy was pretty basic,” he said. “I did the stuff he did when I was like in ninth grade.”

So by that statement, can we assume Wayans has his own collection of whips, handcuffs and other titillating paraphernalia?

“Sometimes you gotta treat her wrong — with permission, of course,” said the 43-year-old. “I mean, pull her hair, but not too hard. ’Cause if she has to redo the weave, she won’t like that and might get a little mad.”

Not that he’s a pysch major, but Wayans believes Grey’s sadomasochistic leanings can be traced to childhood.

“I mean, he definitely wasn’t breastfed,” opined Wayans, the youngest of 10 siblings, many of whom are also in showbiz. “He has mommy issues. He needs all this extra love and attention.”

That’s where the two men differ greatly.

“It was a little hard for me to play Christian because I’m not creepy in real life,” said the former In Living Color cast mate. “I’m distant. I don’t even text people. With girls, I’m pretty much: ‘You be you. You do you.’ ”

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, is his latest film the perfect date movie?

“I think so,” Wayans said. “Sex and comedy go hand in hand. It’s funny in a serious kind of tone. It doesn’t go too far for girls but goes far enough for a guy.”

Adding to the humor are uproarious cameos by such classic stars as Florence Henderson, as Mrs. Robinson, a dominatrix/sex-ed teacher (!); Jane Seymour, as Christian’s uptight mother; and Fred Willard, his perv dad.

“You gotta go to the veterans and have them come off the bench,” said Wayans, who shared writing and producing credits. “They were down! Especially Jane and Florence. They were just like, No holds barred. They were game, and that’s what makes the movie so fun. Everyone scores.”