Want to find love, people? Step away from the technology.
That’s the message first time-author Deborah Graham was sending out at a recent appearance at Books & Books at the Arsht Center for her self-help book, Get Your Head Out of Your App (Health Communications, $12.95).
In other words: Connect in the flesh.
“If you’re running five minutes late to a date, pick up the phone,” advised the former star of TLC’s Psychic Matchmaker. “If you can’t make it, don’t start the texting dialogue. Call and talk about why you can’t and set it for another day.”
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Nope. Graham — who is happily married with three kids — isn’t a big fan of cellphones. She thinks they’re a contributing factor as to why many of us don’t communicate properly anymore.
“Walk around the streets of New York City. Everyone is staring into these little boxes,” said Graham, of Boca Raton. “It’s a wonder everyone isn’t hit by a car. What happened to direct eye contact?”
The straight-talking spiritualist believes “there are no bad dates.” If the individual isn’t for you, at least you got out there and gained some practice. Think of the meeting as dress rehearsal.
“Don’t put out the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign,” she said. “And if you’re not physically attracted right away, so what? You may be on the second date or the third. And whatever you do don’t talk about your horrible ex. Ask questions, even: ‘What’s your favorite color?’ ”
But before you go on that one-on-one cocktail, make sure you’re happy with who’s looking back at you in the mirror.
“My clients come to me and say, ‘Oh, I want a relationship.’ And I tell them, ‘You have to be complete in order to have that,” said the Atlanta native. “If you’re not whole, you can’t love yourself, and how you can think someone else can love you?’ Red flag!”
Another big stumbling block in the quest for romantic bliss is that we all have too many choices.
“It’s like when I go to the Golden Corral buffet; I want to eat everything,” Graham said to laughs. “Love the one you’re with.”
Graham gets all kinds of clients: the spouse who isn’t sure how to keep the home fires burning, the singleton seeking a soul-mate, the recent divorcee who is ready to start a second chapter.
“If doesn’t matter if you’re 20 or 80, love is out there,” Graham promised. “I match people of all ages. We’re not here for a long time; we’re here for a good time. No one wants to be 90 and sitting on a rock alone. There are a lot of things money can buy, but your soul and memories are what you take with you.”
Graham — who claims to be able to tap into your energy by grabbing your hands — is a third-generation psychic who began having visions at age 6.
“I call it a blessing and a curse. It’s one of those things you can’t turn off. I see the good, the bad and the ugly. And I don’t hold anything back.”
Meet Deborah at 8 p.m. Wednesday at Books & Books in Coral Gables. 305-442-4408.