FATHER'S DAY
Two good books to help father know best
BY BETSY FLAGLER
United Features
Dads don't need any more ties for Father's Day. And they probably have enough screwdrivers. But two books by fathers give dads another set of tools they need -- ideas for raising healthy children.
In Parking Lot Rules & 75 Other Ideas for Raising Amazing Children (Ballantine, 2008, $20), author Tom Sturges breaks down his advice into easy-to-remember catch phrases along with anecdotes.
Sturges, a father of two sons, is a mentor to at-risk children and a music publishing-group executive. The goal that parents, coaches and teachers need to strive for, he says, is to be kind, respectful and encouraging.
A few of his practical tips:
Parking lot rules: Your little kids need to be right beside you in a parking lot. ''No trailing behind. No racing ahead,'' Sturges writes. Insist that your child hold your hand to get safely to and from the car. No need to get into a debate. Simply invoke ``parking lot rules.''
When you get upset, whisper: When communicating with your kids, avoid shouting. Parents who yell are intimidating.
The caboose rule: When a family or group travels together, assign an adult or older child to keep up the rear and ensure that no little ones lag behind.
The 10-second rule: Don't say the first thing that pops into your mind after your child makes a mistake. Pause for 10 seconds before you dole out discipline.
A second book, The Father's Guide to the Meaning of Life (Skyhorse, 2009, $9.95), is a collection of life-lesson essays by men's health journalist Joe Kita. He writes:
``Kids may not listen, but they certainly watch. And it's what they see -- good and bad -- that largely determines who they'll be.''
Like the author of Parking Lot Rules, Kita says parents need to pause for a few seconds before reprimanding. Also, dads need to share a child's curiosity about the world.
Kita admits that he did not immediately cherish his 8-pound, 3-ounce baby boy or know what to do at first. It wasn't love at first sight, but a love that grew as he trusted his instincts. The father of a boy and a girl, Kita prides himself on being less meddlesome than many other parents. Other advice:
Be generous with your time, your money and your love. Be prepared to share every facet of your life with your children.
Don't be afraid to mess up in front of your kids. If you're not perfect, your children will not feel they have to be.
And last: ''Your children need to know that, no matter what, your love remains. It'll never be late; it'll never leave early,'' he writes. ``You are the one person they can depend on.''
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