MANCHESTER, N.H. -- In a moment I will have a Breaking News Bulletin on the hotness of Dick Harpootlian's wife, but first, here is an in-depth analysis of the mood in New Hampshire:

It is testy.

This was clear during the big televised two-party debate sponsored by ABC News, Facebook, Mountain Dew, MySpace, eBay, Viagra, Microsoft and the Select Number Sleep Comfort Bed. The debate, moderated by avuncular newsman Charlie Gibson, was the pivotal moment of the New Hampshire campaign, and across the nation more than 20 million interested American households tuned in to the NFL playoffs, which were going on at the same time.

But those who watched the debates saw history in the making, as it became clear, over the course of the evening, that one person, and one person only, embodies the wisdom, the judgment, the maturity and -- yes -- the simple humanity that this nation desperately needs in its next president: Charlie Gibson.

Unfortunately he can't afford the pay cut. This means we're stuck with the actual candidates, who, as I say, are in a testy mood, as was evidenced in the Republican debate when John McCain and Mike Huckabee, during a particularly testy exchange over illegal immigration, gave Mitt Romney a wedgie. The Democrats, meanwhile, continued their ongoing obsessive argument about change -- who is the most for change; who has done the most changing; who can change with the changing times to bring change to those who need a change; who has taken the time, with all this tromping around New Hampshire night and day demanding change, to change their underwear; etc.

The mood was equally testy outside in the Designated Demonstration Area. This is an area several hundred yards from the actual debate venue, where the snow was cleared off the ground and porta-potties were set up so people could gather and thrust signs and shout candidate names and slogans at each other. The shouts all blend together, so it sounds like ``BLAH BLAH BLAH! BLAH BLAH BLAH!''

I'm always fascinated by the people in the demonstration area, and what they believe they're accomplishing. No member of the regular human public ever goes near them, and it seems highly unlikely that the demonstrators will change each other's minds -- that, say, a guy shouting for Rudy Giuliani will hear a guy shouting for Dennis Kucinich and suddenly go, ''Hey! You're right!'' So I can't see the point of standing outside in a cold, remote area, shouting, unless there are undecided voters lurking in the porta-potties.

This leads us to today's Breaking News Bulletin Regarding the Hotness of Dick Harpootlian's Wife:

As you know if you have been following the issues in this campaign, several days ago I speculated, in print, on whether Dick Harpootlian, a prominent South Carolina Obama supporter, has a wife, and if so, whether she is as hot as Chuck Norris's wife or Fred Thompson's wife. Since then -- this is the Power of the Press in action -- I received a personal long-distance phone call from Dick Harpootlian himself. He informed me that he does, in fact, have a wife, and he stated that, quote, 'She is hotter than any of the candidates' wives, as well as Chuck Norris's wife.''

I asked him if this blanket statement included Dennis Kucinich's wife, who is viewed by some veteran media observers as being pretty hot. Harpootlian replied (I am not making any of this up): ``Dennis Kucinich's wife is hot, but she detracts from her hotness with her tongue piercing. That gives me the willies. Without that, she would have been a hotness contender.''

Harpootlian also confirmed that his nickname in high school was ''Poot.'' I will keep you updated on this developing story as it continues to develop. Also, I want to state for the record that my wife is hotter than all of these other wives combined.

Finally, we have just received, via telegraph, the results of the crucial Wyoming GOP caucus. The people of Wyoming (there are three) have thrown their support to Dwight Eisenhower. So at this point there's no telling where this crazy election is headed. Stay tuned. And Charlie Gibson, if you're reading this: Think about it, dude.

Dave Barry will be writing columns daily from New Hampshire through Wednesday. Chat with him live from 1-2 p.m. Tuesday on MiamiHerald.com

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