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Workin' On a Ramp

• I Can’t Save The World With These Socks

  Number of comments: 1
  

  I’m sorry, but I’m not going to be the one to save the world.

  On a good day, I’m wearing two socks. On a great day, they match.

  You know who should be the heavy lifters? The girls with catalogue outfits. The ones with scarves that perfectly accent some stripe on their [...]

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• Two Became One And It Was Smelly And Gross

  Number of comments: 3
  

  Dropping your cell phone in a toilet makes you think a lot about your life.

  Why did I need to listen to music while peeing until everything became one experience?

  How cool is it that cell phone destruction is no longer coupled with parental scorn?

  Yes, maturity and aging, they’re funny little things [...]

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• Two Became One And It Was Smelly And Gross

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  Dropping your cell phone in a toilet makes you think a lot about your life.

   

  Why did I need to listen to music while peeing until everything became one experience?

   

  How cool is it that cell phone destruction is no longer coupled with parental scorn?

   

  Yes, maturity and aging, they’re funny little [...]

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• Life Is Confusing

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  I have this theory that life is confusing.

  For example, I was obsessed with sports for 15 years and now I just feel like a dog watching a soap opera. I took a nap during the Super Bowl despite its validation of social drinking and public scrutiny of ads. A [...]

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• Babies: A Truce

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  Babies, you can have the attention. I’ll take my health.

  It’s true, your growing presence on Facebook once made me jealous. I spend hours on a blog post to grab a couple likes. You shit in your pants and go viral.

  Life isn’t fair and you’re living proof, but today I [...]

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• The Time I Wrote About Hot Water But It Sounded A Lot Like A Rant About Eggs

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  The bathroom is a place of unnecessary variety and frugality is the only logical way out.

  But in place of variety, I’d like some innovation. In particular, I’d like a hot water countdown clock.

  Why? Because zoning out is kind of my thing and for some reason it’s way more enjoyable [...]

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• Live Blog: TLC ‘My Strange Addiction’

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  Tonight on ‘My Strange Addiction’: A man treats his life-size doll like a human wife. Meanwhile a woman spends up to 2 hours a day picking scabs all over her body.

  If you can read that description and pass it up, we have nothing in common. Even if you’re a [...]

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• Just So Long As Everybody Understands

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  “McCoy, what are your resolutions?”

  Resolutions. Part of a light, Friday night convo.

  “Well, first, I’m not dating this year.”

  “So you’re quitting?! What kind of a resolution is that? That’s like saying, ‘I’m going to get fat!’”

  And you know, I disagree. I think it’s a lot more like, I just struck [...]

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• Just So Long As Everybody Understands

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  “McCoy, what are your resolutions?”

  Resolutions. Part of a light, Friday night convo.

  “Well, first, I’m not dating this year.”

  “So you’re quitting?! What kind of a resolution is that? That’s like saying, ‘I’m going to get fat!’”

  And you know, I disagree. I think it’s a lot more like, I just struck [...]

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• The Semantics of Being Both Hip and Cool

  Number of comments: 2
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  You could say I was in direct opposition to “being cool” in high school.

  Really, the only tangent between us was my ability to jump and occasionally score twenty points in a big game. In Smalltown, USA, that earns you pats on the back and invites to get wasted in [...]

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