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Dave Barry's Blog

• WATCH WHERE YOU NAP

  Napping man survives after being run over by combine in Montana field

  (Thanks to Fred Hudson)

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• CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL

  "The BBC actually said, 'But you can't do that because we need to go through the regulations and health and safety and everything in case we discover a signal from an alien civilisation'."

  (Thanks to Bill Moore)

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• SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

  Fifty wild elephants went on a drunken rampage after downing 18 containers of mahua, a powerful alcoholic brew, in India.

  (Thanks to Ralph)

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• WOMEN

  Do not mess with them.

  (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

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• THANKS, BUT WE'LL JUST HAVE A HEINEKEN

  Roasted Bull Testicle Stout

  (Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

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• PROBABLY LOOKING FOR THE CAR KEYS

  TEN-foot alligator surprises father and son in Florida by crawling up to front door

  (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

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• CRAIGSLIST

  Vampire seeks blood donor

  (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

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• NOW IT'S FIFTY SHADES OF POO

  Fifty Shades of Grey blamed for Windsor baby boom

  (Thanks to The Perts)

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• EVERYONE INVOLVED WAS ISSUED A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

  Truckers take on the world's toughest bridge.

  (Thanks to Mordecai Altose)

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• ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES:

  Edible deodorants.

  (Thanks to Matt Filar)

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