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Dave Barry's Blog

• NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THEM

  A 32-year-old model who held the record for the world's largest implants has walked away from a car crash after her breasts acted as an airbag.

  (Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

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• IF I CAN MAKE IT THERE

  In the moments after New England’s dreams of Super Bowl glory went down the drain with Tom Brady’s failed last-second Hail Mary toss, toilet use spiked a staggering 13 percent in the city, according to Department of Environmental Protection.

  (Thanks to Lani)

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• THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

  Mysterious ‘manure foam’ causes pig farms to explode

  (Thanks to Justin Beland)

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• GOOD TO KNOW

  Half of single women carry a pair of sexy knickers in their handbag… just in case

  (Thanks to Layzeeboy)

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• THE WEIRD THING IS, SLEEPING WHALES TALK IN YIDDISH

  Dolphins Reported Talking Whale in Their Sleep

  (Thanks to funny man)

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• NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT ONE

  Dry cleaning clerk in St. Charles stabs robber with seam ripper

  (Thanks to oneblankspace)

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• AND STILL OUR MISSILES GO UNUSED

  Jersey City clears 'Jersey Shore' spinoff starring Snooki, JWoww

  (Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

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• PARTY TIME, KALAMAZOO-STYLE

  An official says four people got stuck in a Kalamazoo parking ramp elevator for about an hour because they apparently were jumping up and down.

  (Thanks to Dan Barr)

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• THIS IS NOT FUNNY, BUT IF YOU HAVE A LITTLE TIME:

  It's interesting, and moving: The 9/11 boatlift from Manhattan.

  (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

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• NOTHING SAYS 'HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY'

  ...like edible meat underwear.

  (Thanks to The Perts)

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