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Dave Barry's Blog

• HARD TIMES

  U.S. Sperm Bank Donations Rise in Recession
  
  (Thanks to John Gregg)

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• TASER FEVER

  It's catching.

  (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

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• A HUNKA HUNKA

  According to his autopsy, Nichopoulos said, Elvis' colon was 5 to 6 inches in diameter, nearly twice the size of the average person. It was also 8 to 9 feet long, compared with the normal 4 to 5 feet.

  
  (Thanks to Horace LaBadie and Joe in Japan)
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• APPARENTLY THEY'RE DOING IT WRONG

  AROUND 18 million Brits - one in every three adults - injured themselves having sex in the past year, a survey shows.

  (Thanks to DavCat)

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• AND YET THE STATEMENT IS BASICALLY ACCURATE

  LaPenta, 20, was jailed this week by Lake County Associate Judge Helen Rozenberg who held her in contempt for wearing the T-shirt in her courtroom. It was emblazoned with the words: "I have the (slang for female body part) so I make the rules."

  (Thanks to John Rhoads)

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• WAR IS IMMINENT

  North Dakota man seriously injured by South Dakota cow

  (Thanks to Gregg Geil)

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• STRONG NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

  City of Gonads

  (Thanks to RussellMc)

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• UH-OH

  This is a very bad precedent.

  (Thanks to Chuck Cody)

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• HE SHOULD HAVE PUT IT IN A CLEAR, ONE-QUART RESEALABLE PLASTIC BAG

  Transportation Security Administration screener is facing an assault rap after he allegedly beat a co-worker who joked about the size of the man's genitalia after he walked through a security scanner.

  (Thanks to Chuck Cody, catmanmax and shtanga)

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• TIME FOR STRICT FEDERAL CONTROLS

  Salad bowls were part of bizarre bomb recipe

  (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

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