Stage one: the loofah mitt torture, when any dirt that has foolishly clung to my skin is now jarred from all but the most private regions of my body. The sandpaper-rough mitt crosses my lumps, left then right, and I wonder how much longer I have to endure.

Flip! Other side!

Next, the oil massage. Since I've gone for the mid-range experience for around $15, I miss out on this luxury, apparently included in the slightly pricier ($20) Oriental Service package. Instead, it's the soap treatment for me.

Swathed in a washcloth, the bar of soap is plunged hard against my skin down and into the soft tissues, outlining organs I didn't even know I had. Stomach, liver, kidneys all get an enthusiastic rub.

But the torture soon gives way to the best of the attentions: A soapy massage by amazingly strong hands working tension from shoulders, stomach, legs, toes.

Flip! Other side! Neck, back, thighs.

And now, the shampoo. Warm water spills over my scalp, down my neck, across my brow. Sema kneads my crown, then moves to temples, neck and throat. No wonder my cat purrs when I scratch his head. All too soon, the pleasure ends, and I'm back to the basin with the copper bowl, splashing away the soap. Then to the cubicle for clothes, and it's time to re-enter the world - at least somewhat relaxed.

At the door stands one of my fellow lumpies. We exchange shrugs, less enthusiastic about the experience than the group on the way in.

"I'm from New Zealand, " she offers. "There's definitely nothing like this in my country. I've been trying to figure out if it was worth the $20."

As a massage, maybe not. But as an experience? I wouldn't have missed it.

A TURKISH BATH

The tradition of a steam bath persists throughout Turkey. The least expensive of these charge only a few dollars; you are expected to bring your own towel and shampoo, and to bathe yourself. Men and women bathe separately; attendants are the same gender as clients.

Historic baths are geared toward the tourist market and priced accordingly. Expect to pay $15 to $25, depending on the hammam and services requested. You'll be expected to tip generously.

In Istanbul, tourist baths include