Mayhem. Bedlam. Chaos.
My good friend, Mr. Thesaurus, provides plenty of options to describe the early days of South Florida's experiment with variably priced toll lanes on Interstate 95.
The Florida Department of Transportation, with a big push from the Bush administration, is converting the loathed and under-enforced HOV lanes into loathed but comparatively more enforceable High Occupancy Toll, or HOT, lanes.
The variably priced tolls haven't started, but the fun house kicked into high gear on Friday after the DOT and its contractors finished altering the lane configuration on one of the region's most heavily traveled corridors.
South Floridians reacted with typical understatement and grace. Sure, there were rollover accidents and med-
evac airlifts, serious injuries and extensive property damage. But there wasn't one report of express-lane inspired gunplay.
Not yet, anyway.
Pandemonium.SNAFU.Anarchy.
On paper, 95 Express makes a lot of sense: Relieve congestion and enhance mass transit between Miami and Fort Lauderdale. Reward carpooling. Encourage fuel-efficient, low-emission hybrid vehicle use. ''Sell'' the excess capacity to solo drivers with SunPasses.
Unfortunately, we don't drive on paper.
The state is going to guarantee a 50 mph trip in the express lanes. Buses, motorcycles, emergency vehicles and pre-registered hybrids and carpools of three or more occupants will use the lanes for free.
Toll rates will be posted on new electronic signs as drivers approach the express lane area. Rates could change every five minutes. Prices will rise when the lanes are packed and drop when they are flowing.
Critics say this creates ''Lexus Lanes'' for the rich. It hasn't proven true in other North American cities that have successfully deployed variably priced tolls.
But gas wasn't selling for $4 a gallon when those variably priced lanes were introduced, either. If a large enough chunk of the population is struggling to pay the bills, will they sit longer in bumper-to-bumper traffic because they can't afford the occasional toll? Or has the paradigm already shifted?
Havoc.Disorder.Disarray.
Be careful with your hyperbole, South Florida. This isn't ''the worst idea Miami has ever come up with'' as one Miami Herald message board bleater described it.
It's just the worst one threatening your health, safety and welfare today.
Memories are painfully short around here. Doesn't anyone remember the last time the feds threw wheelbarrows full of cash at growth-choked South Florida to ''innovate'' the interstate?
In the mid-1990s, when HOV lanes were supposedly going to spur a carpooling and energy saving revolution, the state built the flyovers at the Golden Glades and State Road 112/The Airport Expressway.
Most South Floridians didn't heed the ''get ready'' warnings. Chaos ensued when the new lanes opened. Signs were confusing, the lane shifts and merging areas poorly marked. The understaffed Florida Highway Patrol didn't adequately enforce the new rules. The DOT tweaked some of the signs and lane markings. The public screamed -- and eventually everyone adapted.
(OK, not everyone. I'm not easily astonished, but my jaw still drops when I encounter some donkey stopping in the middle of the Golden Glades and backing up to their missed exit while yakking on a cellphone. What is it that makes it impossible to drive to the next exit and turn around? But I digress...)
Frenzy.Tumult.Scrum.
The DOT and its contractors learned a few lessons from last week's mess:
• Improve the signs warning northbound drivers as they approach the express lanes that they won't be able to (legally) exit before Northwest 151st Street. All local traffic MUST stay to the right.
The real losers in this scenario: Those who live in northern Miami-Dade and work downtown who drive hybrids or carpool. They no longer receive a bonus for doing the right thing.
• Install more white candlestick delineators at closer intervals. Right now, it's too easy to slalom in and out of the express area.
These selfish dunderheads and nincompoops are not only causing chain reaction rear-enders in the express lanes, but endangering the lives of others as they launch across four lanes of traffic to reach their exits. Someone is going to get killed.
• The DOT, the highway patrol, the Road Rangers and local paramedics better game up. It's going to be even more difficult to enforce the law, clear accidents and treat the injured with the new configuration.
Most lanes are a foot narrower than they were six months ago. An extra lane was created by stealing a few feet from the center median and outside shoulder.
''We're going to wind up with more work -- more traffic homicides, more accidents to investigate, more property damage,'' said Trooper Bill Smith, who leads the local FHP Police Benevolent Association unit. ``I think it's going to cause more problems than it's going to solve.''
And it's going to get worse before it gets better.
The southbound lanes, between the Golden Glades and downtown Miami, are set to open in the fall of 2009. The segment between the Golden Glades and Interstate 595 might be ready by late 2010, but more likely sometime in 2011.
So be careful out there.
