What South Florida sports fans are talking about:
1.Heat's lottery draw: The team will learn its draft slot Tuesday night. If it's the No. 1 overall pick in June, you can expect to hear ''Derrick Rose.'' If it's No. 2, you can expect to hear ''Michael Beasley.'' If it's No. 3, you can expect to hear muffled weeping because it wasn't one or two.2.Marlins' win streak ends at seven: There was that brief, magic time when it all came together. Marlins had won seven in a row. Hanley Ramirez had the new contract. Dan Uggla had hit eight homers in 10 games. For a minute there, we almost felt like a baseball town. Hey, I said almost.3.Fins back on field: Dolphins stage a day of voluntary work Wednesday, ''voluntary'' meaning if you don't show up, Bill Parcells quietly beheads your career. The full team is expected, although Jason Taylor's appearance isn't certain. He has been dancing around the question.4.NBA quarterfinals near end: Detroit clinched a while ago but was waiting for the other three series to end. That meant the only people in Detroit less busy than the Pistons right now are new-car salesmen in Ford and Chevy showrooms.5.Big Brown goes for two: Is it (a) what they award the horse that wins the Kentucky Derby and Preakness, or (b) what I order on the rocks when I need a break from beer?-- GREG COTE
In a highly anticipated, nationally televised NBA ceremony Tuesday night, the Heat's future, the legacy of Pat Riley, the debut of new coach Erik Spoelstra and the happiness of Dwyane Wade and a million fans will be determined to a large degree by the capricious bounce of a bunch of air-blown ping-pong balls.
Anybody else think that is strange?
It would be like the NFL determining its No. 1 draft pick with a game of horseshoes.
Or the presidential race coming down to marbles.
Ping-pong balls? C'mon!
Let's please find a way to set the NBA Draft order in a more reasonable, adult manner and leave the ping-pong balls to the primary use for which they were intended:
Beer pong.
• I ask you, what were the odds? A thousand-to-one? What were the odds that in the regard of no-nonsense disciplinarian Dolphins czar Bill Parcells in the spring of '08, the teacher's pet would be Ricky Williams and the doghouse occupant would be Jason Taylor? We hold this truth to be self-evident: Tuna can forgive ''pass the joint,'' but not the paso doble. You can toke, but don't fox trot.
• Oh, and all these stories about Parcells' maniacal devotion to his teams' fitness and conditioning? I could probably take them more seriously if I hadn't been told (true story) that Tuna once was observed walking on a treadmill while eating a Dove bar.
• Best wishes to colleague and friend Dan Le Batard as he embarks on his one-year sabbatical from The Miami Herald for some soul searching. I quietly tried something similar a few years ago, but my wife found my constantly standing around in a bathrobe annoying after three days and kicked me back to work.
• People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, which would abolish horse racing, planned to protest during Saturday's Preakness in Baltimore. I don't wanna say PETA sometimes gets carried away, but I understand its latest claim is that Toto was subjected to repeated verbal abuse by the Tin Man.
• UM prepares for the Atlantic Coast Conference tournament next after one of the greatest regular seasons in its baseball history. This remarkable program hasn't had a losing season since 1957. And no, wise guy, I did not throw out the first pitch that season.
• Major news in women's sports this week as golf's Annika Sorenstam, at 37 still a major player, and tennis' Justine Henin, 25 and ranked No. 1 in the world, abruptly announced their plans to retire. Both women insist their minds are made up, pending their inevitable change of heart after a few months away.
• Spygate won't die despite the NFL's ardent wish that it would. Now former Patriots videographer Matt Walsh is making the media rounds emphasizing the advantage it gave New England, while Sen. Arlen Specter wants a federal investigation. Cannot confirm desperate commissioner Roger Goodell is trying to arrange another Pacman Jones arrest just to divert attention.
• Did you read about those two guys who robbed that bank in Miami? They thought they got away clean. Luckily, the bank was being secretly videotaped by the New England Patriots.
• A Cuban athlete defected while in Miami for a judo competition. Geez, what a stunner, huh? Has anything like that ever happened before?
• The Panthers extended the contract of general manager Jacques Martin through 2011-12, one month after firing him as coach. Evidently they can't decide if he did a bad job, or if he is very good.
• NFL owners meeting in Atlanta are expected as early as Tuesday to opt out of the labor agreement, which could threaten the league with a work stoppage by 2011. Apparently, the owners believe in the old saying, ``If it ain't broke, break it.''
• After being threatened with arrest, Charles Barkley admitted he owes $400,000 in gambling debts to a Las Vegas casino and plans to pay. Hey, I can relate. Who among us hasn't owed $400,000 and it simply slipped our minds?
• O.J. Mayo is accused of accepting thousands in improper gifts and cash while in high school and at USC. The reason that is newsworthy is, Mayo would be the one-millionth teenage basketball star to do that.
• This just in: Roger Clemens has gone an entire week without any new embarrassment falling on him.
• Sergio Garcia finally won after going 53 consecutive events without a victory. ''Man, why can't I do that?'' thought Dale Earnhardt Jr.
• A concerted effort to make over the image of Mike Tyson began with the debut of a sympathetic documentary about him at the Cannes Film Festival. Not all critics liked the movie. I heard that instead of ''two thumbs up,'' Ebert & Roeper gave it ``two ears bitten off.''
• The WNBA has launched its 12th season, which coincidentally also marked the 12th anniversary of most people not noticing.
• Disgraced Olympic gold medalist Tim Montgomery faces 46 months in jail in a check-fraud scheme. So who do you like for the first pick in your prison fantasy track draft, Montgomery or Marion Jones?
• I just looked up ''it doesn't get any lower than that -- wait, yes it does,'' and saw a picture of former Florida Gators football player Jamar Hornsby, who was arrested for using a dead woman's credit card.
• Baseball is looking into whether maple bats shatter more easily and are more dangerous than bats made of ash. Leading the push to eliminate maple bats: maple trees.
• Parting thought: A blind 92-year-old man from Clearwater recently shot a hole-in-one. Now, Dale Davis, a legally blind 78-year-old from Alta, Iowa, bowled a perfect 300 game. Don't you hate how some guys will do anything for attention!?
