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• Dave Barry's Holiday Gift Guide

Watermelon-flavored Freud-head Lollipops

$27.95 plus shipping and handling from Archie McPhee and Company, P.O. Box 30852, Seattle, Wash. 98113, 425-349-3009; www.mcphee.com/ items/11771.html

Suggested by Russell McGilvray of McAllen, Texas

This is one of those products that cause you to smack your forehead and ask, ''Why didn't I think of that moments before taking powerful and much-needed medication?'' This product, as the headline strongly suggests, is a watermelon-flavored lollipop shaped like the head of Sigmund Freud, also known as ''The Father of Modern Psychoanalytic Quackery.'' What a wonderful way to send somebody on your gift list the message: ''Happy holidays! Here's a weird thing to put in your mouth!'' You will definitely want to snap these up quickly, because they will be in short supply once whoever is making them is subdued and placed in restraints.

Psycho Shower Curtain

$24.89 plus shipping and handling from PrankPlace.com, LLC., 206 Murphy Road, Hartford, Conn. 06114, 800-901-1163, www.prankplace.com/ psychoshowercurtain.htm

Suggested by Peter Metrinko of Chantilly, Va.

This is the perfect companion to the scary grasping hand soap: a shower curtain with a shadow of the crazy Psycho stabbing lady (played by Martha Stewart). With these two products in place, no guest will even enter the guest bathroom. It's a hostess's dream come true!

Hand Soap

$14 plus shipping and handling (har) from foliage, http://foliage.myshopify.com/ products/handsoap

Suggested by Jim Gilboy of Hales Corners, Wis.

Is there a woman on your gift list, with ''woman'' defined as 'a person who puts 'decorative hand soaps' in the bathroom that guests are supposed to use, so that the actual guests are afraid to wash their hands with the soap because they don't want to mess it up, so they end up either not washing at all or just wetting their hands and then drying them on their pants, because they are also afraid to use the 'decorative towels'?''

Flying Alarm Clock

$19.99 plus shipping and handling from iKitchen, 256 West 36th Street, New York, N.Y. 10018; www.ekitchengadgets.com/ teflalclpi.html

Suggested by Mary and Peter Sandberg of Minneapolis, Minn.

This brilliant technological innovation is the ultimate gift for anybody who has trouble getting out of bed in the morning. This is an alarm clock with a propeller on top. When the alarm sounds, the propeller takes off and flies around the room. The only way to make the alarm go off is to get out of bed, find the propeller, and put it back into the clock. It's brilliant! And it's foolproof! Unless of course the sleeper happens to be a sportsperson.

Bunny Car Kit

$19.89 plus shipping and handling from PrankPlace.com, LLC., 206 Murphy Road, Hartford, Conn. 06114, 800-901-1163; www.prankplace.com/ cargetups.htm .

Suggested by Barbara Brown of Portage, Ind.

Do you have a masculine male man on your holiday gift list who proudly owns and drives a manly car? Then no doubt that man would want to accessorize that car with this gift concept. As the manufacturer says, ''Why drive around town in a boring car when you can dress it up as a rabbit?'' Why indeed? Many leading celebrities such as actor Mel Gibson and ''rap'' artist ''Fifty Cents'' have used this product to customized their ''rides.'' The Pope has also expressed interest.