We have assembled a collection of gift concepts so unusual, so distinctive, that you will say: ''You made those up, right?'' No. There is not enough eggnog in the world. All of the Holiday Gift Guide items are actual products that you can buy (except for one that might be imaginary, which is just as well).
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
Here's a fun item for the Jewish person on your holiday gift list. This is a bowling set with wooden pins representing the 10 plagues of Egypt.
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
This brilliant technological innovation is the ultimate gift for anybody who has trouble getting out of bed in the morning. This is an alarm clock with a propeller on top. When the alarm sounds, the propeller takes off and flies around the room. The only way to make the alarm go off is to get out of bed, find the propeller, and put it back into the clock. It's brilliant! And it's foolproof! Unless of course the sleeper happens to be a sportsperson.
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
How often have you said to yourself: ''I need to shoot an intruder, but where the heck did I put my handgun?!'' If you buy this item, you or the armed person on your holiday gift list will always know the answer: It's in your Pillow Pal!
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
Americans are crazy mad for dogs. These days people take their ''canine companions'' with them everywhere -- on airplanes, into restaurants, to the movies, into the shower, etc. They talk to their dogs all time, buy expensive merchandise for their dogs, hire psychologists for their dogs, and just generally treat their dogs like humans, only better. It is only a matter of time before dogs have the right to vote, at least in California. (They will support Sen. Barbara Boxer. Ha ha!)
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
Without question one of the biggest problems facing humanity today is how to carry spare brassieres. Finally, somebody has come up with a solution: The Bra Bag, or Bra(g).
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
This is the perfect companion to the scary grasping hand soap: a shower curtain with a shadow of the crazy Psycho stabbing lady (played by Martha Stewart).
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
Not long ago, people with tattoos were considered to be low-class sleazeballs. But today, millions of Americans have tattoos. What does this tell us? It tells us that millions of Americans are low-class sleazeballs.
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
Do you have a masculine male man on your holiday gift list who proudly owns and drives a manly car? Then no doubt that man would want to accessorize that car with this gift concept.
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
Here is the ultimate gift for the sports fan or complete raving lunatic, not that there is any great difference. This is a hammock-style chair that is suspended from the trailer hitch of a vehicle.
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
Ask yourself how many times you have made the following statement after killing a bird with a shotgun: ''Gosh darn it, now I have to painstakingly remove the pellets from this bird, and THEN, in a completely separate step, I have to season the bird so I can eat it! There must be an easier way!''
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
This is one of those products that cause you to smack your forehead and ask, ''Why didn't I think of that moments before taking powerful and much-needed medication?''
DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE
Is there a woman on your gift list, with ''woman'' defined as 'a person who puts 'decorative hand soaps' in the bathroom that guests are supposed to use, so that the actual guests are afraid to wash their hands with the soap because they don't want to mess it up, so they end up either not washing at all or just wetting their hands and then drying them on their pants, because they are also afraid to use the 'decorative towels'?''
