"In about a third of relationships, the loss of sexual activity is directly responsible for loss of intimacy. There are a lot of things you just have to teach people.

The biggest thing is not to be in a rush. It takes a long time for an older man to get an erection. What used to take 10 minutes may take a half hour," Roos said.

But Roos' prescription for an active sex life is easier preached than practiced, especially in light of what's to be expected in later years -- including erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, prostate problems and other woes of aging.

Barbara Pergament, a 60-something Boynton Beach Bereavement Club cast member living in Miami Beach, says she's still very interested in sex but has been in a couple of relationships that were not as sexually satisfying as she would have liked.

"After my husband died I started dating and I knew nothing about men, what you do and don't do. This was a whole new life for me," Per- gament said.

PROBLEM DATES

After a brief marriage that ended in divorce, Pergament began dating a man who had prostate cancer. "The first time we tried to become inti- mate he told me he had to use a pump and that was the only way he could get an erec-tion," she said. "I had never even heard of such a thing. It was uncomfortable for him and the whole process was cumbersome and it certainly took away from the spontaneity."

Soon after, Pergament entered into a relationship with a man who never "tried to go to bed'' with her. "We were intimate and there was kissing and hugging and one day I got a call from him and he had just gone to the doctor for an injection. He was impotent and he wanted to have a sex life with me and none of this did I know," said Pergament.

‘‘I went from impotent man to impotent man and I said, 'What did I do to deserve this?' There's definitely something wrong with this picture.' ''

According to Manulkin, who lives in Hollywood, there are several solutions to these issues. "Women who are with men who can't get erections can still have great sex," she said. "There are a lot of things that are possible that they may not know about. There are fake penises and sex toys all over the place."

Studies reveal 80 percent of women don't reach orgasm from intercourse alone, Manulkin says. ‘‘Women orgasm from the hands, from oral sex," she said. "It's such an incredible misunderstanding."

She also encourages women to purchase vibrators. "I lived in China for three years and there were no partners there for me and I forgot my toothbrush but not my vibrator," Manulkin said. "But we're not open to that stuff because it's not normal. Everyone has a driv-ing force to be what normal is and there ain't no normal.

Anything between consenting adults is normal."

MARRIED LOVER

Jorge Hurtado, 62, says his sex life isn't exactly conventional but it works for him and his 46-year-old married girlfriend, whom he has been with for the last 2½ years.

"I think about sex 25 hours a day," said Hurtado. "My lover likes to have sex with me a lot . . . because she wants to have something different, more exciting than what she gets from her husband. For that pleasure she gives me Viagra to have longer sex and pleasure," Hurtado said as he reached into his wallet to pull out two individually wrapped condoms.

"For me, sex is like food. You have to eat. Good sex makes you feel alive and healthy."

Join the discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere in the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. In order to post comments, you must be a registered user of MiamiHerald.com. Your username will show along with the comments you post. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

     Showing: Oldest first Newest first Most-recommended first Least-recommended first

@Nyx.AuthorDisplayName@ wrote on @Nyx.PostedAtTime@:

@Nyx.repliedToText@

@Nyx.replyAnswerText@

Reply to this Comment @Nyx.Recommender@ @Nyx.AbuseReporter@