Made of Honor (PG-13) * | Making a case for staying home

BY CONNIE OGLE

cogle@MiamiHerald.com

COLUMBIA PICTURES

Christine Barger barges in on Michelle Monaghan and Patrick Dempsey.

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If we held a competition among Grey's Anatomy stars to evaluate who made the best adult romantic comedy in recent memory, Katherine Heigl (27 Dresses) would crush Patrick Dempsey under her stilettos without even breaking a sweat. (Not that Heigl sweats; one suspects she exudes fragrant mist.)

Dempsey -- McDreamy to those of you who swoon at the sight of his crooked smile, McWhatever to the rest of us -- is the star of Made of Honor, a film so dreadful and humiliating that it's reassuring to know Dempsey can keep his day job. He stars as manwhore Tom, a successful something-or-other in Manhattan who sleeps with a different woman every night but realizes he's in love with his best friend Hannah (Michelle Monaghan, Gone Baby Gone) when she announces she's getting married.

Tom, being 30-something and so blindingly handsome that he has never had to profess love to a woman -- or so the script would have you think -- doesn't know how to tell Hannah the truth. Frankly, it's hard to believe that Tom would even have a female friend, he's so uninterested in talking to women. He doesn't have to call them back or work to gain their interest. Beautiful Starbucks clerks slip him phone numbers, and he's got his own blogger/stalker. Thus hampered by fabulousness, he agrees to be Hannah's maid of honor to scuttle the wedding from the inside.

Made of Honor may sound vaguely like My Best Friend's Wedding, but this film hasn't a subversive bone in its body; it would never allow a conniving, smart, often dislikable woman, such as the one played by Julia Roberts, to show up. It does, however, have plenty of misogynistic tendencies. For a movie clearly aimed at a female audience, it has a curious attitude toward women, portraying them as stupid, dull and easily duped, except Hannah, of course. And even Hannah crumbles immediately when she meets a tall, apparently well-endowed Scottish duke (Kevin McKidd), happily ditching her career, family and friends to eat haggis, wear plaid and give birth to children named Angus.

The jokes are painfully obvious: A bridesmaid is too fat for her dress! A guy mistakenly eats potpourri! The minister thinks Tom is gay! The groom's relatives think Tom is gay! Are you exhausted yet? You soon will be, especially when Tom ends up riding to church on horseback in order to get there before the ''speak now or forever hold your peace'' bit. I'm speaking now, so listen: Don't waste your money.

Cast: Patrick Dempsey, Michelle Monaghan, Kevin McKidd

Director: Paul Weiland

Screenwriters: Adam Sztykiel, Deborah Kaplan, Harry Elfont

Producer: Neal H. Moritz

A Columbia Pictures release. Running time: 101 minutes. Sexual content, language. Playing at area theaters.