VELVET UNDERGROUND

Want to marry a South Florida millionaire?

By LESLEY ABRAVANEL

lank@aol.com

Since the value of the dollar is as weak as an American Idol judge's overuse of the word ''pitchy'', thank goodness for gold. And since gold is such a prized commodity, you know what that means -- there's a huge surplus of gold diggers out there. On Saturday, those miners will be a flocking to Set from 10 p.m.-midnight when professional matchmakers Torrie Tiernan and Sonja Capasso will conduct a search for a suitable suitor for a so-called ''handsome South Florida millionaire.'' According to the yentas, he is a ''30-something, hot millionaire real estate investor looking for the girl of his dreams and to start a family.'' That so-called millionaire is looking for a woman who ''fits into any social scene comfortably, is family oriented, wants kids, likes dogs . . . and is either a Floridian or willing to relocate.'' Oh, and she must be between the ages of 22-36. As for the yentas, they are also out to prove that you can, indeed, meet ''the one'' in a club. ''Who says you can't meet nice girls at the club,'' asks Tiernan. ''We are going to find our client the girl of his dreams.'' Skeptics may think they're dreaming but we kind of, uh, dig their optimism. Good luck girls -- and mystery man, who, incidentally, will not be there to endure the scrutiny. That's why he pays his matchmakers the big bucks. Says Opium Group VP of Communications Vanessa Menkes, ''The party is open to everyone, so frankly, if I were a single guy, I'd go there to see who turns up!'' Good advice!

Another casting of sorts is taking place at the Ritz-Carlton South Beach, which is in the market for a new Tanning Butler -- a looker able to ''stroll the pool deck and beach every Saturday and Sunday from noon-4 p.m. with a holster of SPF products and . . . offer to apply to hard-to-reach back and shoulder areas that easily burn.'' Sounds like a rough job and in these tough times, it won't be open very long, especially in this town where everyone secretly yearns to apply lotion to strangers' hard-to-reach areas. The casting is noon-4 p.m. Sunday and is limited to the first 250 people who show. So whip out your mad skills with that SPF or just gawk. Oh, the guest casting ''agent'' is Vivica A. Fox.

For a fun Sunday diversion, cast your sights on the AT&T North Beach Tropical Music and Sports Festival, taking place from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Sundays through May 11 on the beach at 73rd and Collins Avenue. The free event features beach volleyball, dominoes, dance contests and live salsa, mergengue, reggaeton and Brazilian tunes and, of course, food.

Liberating those of us who are over the whole bottle service situation in clubland is Bella Rose, a new lounge at 423 16th St., Miami Beach, opened by Keith Paciello (yes, the brother of that other Paciello) and filmmaker Alfred Spellman, who told us ''We were getting really tired of the same stale bottle service nightlife options, so we wanted to do a small room, kind of a throwback to The Spot or Lua.'' Wow, a real blast from the distant past. The Spot and Lua, for those who weren't here, were two of the hottest hangouts way back when.

Still hot is Nikki Beach, which will be even hotter around noon Friday when more than a thousand women in bikinis will try to break the record for the largest swimsuit photo shoot in history. Cosmopolitan magazine will bring more than 1,200 bikini-clad women to Nikki Beach for an aerial photo shoot that will feature the women positioned to form the word ''Cosmo.'' Photos will appear in the August issue. The previous record was set last September by Australian Cosmo, which photographed 1,010 women on Bondi Beach. The magazine will offer manicures, beauty consultations and massages in the Nivea lounge and the first 1,200 women who arrive will receive a free Old Navy bikini to wear at the shoot.

A little less for the imagination, the Exxxotica exxxxxpo kicks off with, uh, a big bang Friday at the Miami Beach Convention Center featuring all your favorite X-rated thespians, producers and even a few props. It runs through Sunday.

But if you find yourself stuck in New York due to grounded planes and whatnot, don't fret. It seems that a reverse osmosis of sorts is happening there. Instead of us duplicating Gotham chic, the city that never sleeps is mimicking South Beach. First up: Hotelier Ian Schrager recently debuted the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel, an off-shoot of his Rose Bar at the Delano Hotel. And there's Mansion, the trendy Miami Beach staple that just opened in Chelsea. Robert De Niro's Ago, the latest ''it'' spot, is a New York outpost to his Miami operation. Last but not least: Quattro Gastronomia Italiana, a South Florida-based Italian restaurant that attracts Hollywood and European glitterati, opens in the Trump SoHo Hotel Condominium New York next spring.