VELVET UNDERGROUND

Parties we can all feel good about

Some things in life are inexplicable -- the success of David Hasselhoff in Germany, Lindsay Lohan, and why some hot spots think they can open anywhere and do well. Take for example the now-defunct Nikki Beach in Coconut Grove, where there was no beach, no vibe and a view of a parking lot. Luckily, the original Nikki Beach on South Beach still continues to thrive, as it does all over the globe, where it takes the beach part of its name wisely and literally. We'll remember why the beach club has been...

THE DATING GAME

Ruby's got one gem of a complex story

Fashion shows in South Florida bring together all sorts of people who believe they know what is stylish. That was the case last weekend at the Funkshion: Fashion Week Miami Beach shows at the Miami Beach Botanical Gardens.

VELVET UNDERGROUND

We'll be going Locos after midnight

It's too early to start going crazy about what to be for Halloween, so instead, get Locos Por Juana, the Grammy-nominated band that will perform an intimate concert Friday night at Circa 28 along with Elastic Bond and their musical pals. Show starts at midnight; cover is $10 after midnight.

AFTER DARK

Take your pick: A rookie or an old pro

I know that, as a guy, I'm supposed to care about Major League Baseball. I know I'm supposed to stand around the water cooler and verbalize manly things like, ``Hey, did you see So-and-So make that catch last night?''

THE DATING GAME

Fond memories or just a pile of junk?

I got a voice mail from my aunt -- somehow my wedding album from 10 years ago had ended up in her two-car garage in Orlando. Amazing how money that had once seemed well spent (your grandkids were going to look at those pictures) had turned into a plummeting stock.

VELVET UNDERGROUND

Finding a good time in these hard times

In turbulent times, there's nothing better than going out with reckless abandon -- that is, if you still have the cash to do so. Some people here still do and those who don't pretend they do, so greetings from Miami, wish you were here!

THE DATING GAME

A little secret can be a big embarrassment

So there we were, myself and CoolGirl, eating a Sunday lunch on the Freedom of the Seas cruise boat when the topic for this column was served up just like the plate of tasty chicken.

THE DATING GAME

Let's spend the day instead of the money

Wall Street is stumbling before our eyes. Big firms are either declaring bankruptcy or getting rescued by the federal government. Your friends are getting laid off from work, or worse yet, your own company is announcing more layoffs.

THE DATING GAME

Regrets? We've had a few -- but very few

A study published in the June issue of the journal Human Nature maintained that women regretted one-night stands more than men. (Really? You don't say?)

VELVET UNDERGROUND

How 'bout a caipirinha there, cowboy?

In a nocturnal version of an exchange student program, the Euro jet-setter crowd of Laurent Bourgade's Wednesday night Sounds of Life cocktail and dinner a-go-go has settled into the sprawling space that is Texas de Brazil, while a new monthly party known as Samba e Alegria will debut Saturday at the decidedly Euro-fab Badrutt's Place. It's an interesting juxtaposition of cultures that works in a city like ours, where everyone is from somewhere else. Badrutt's homage to Brazil, presented by Moleca...

VELVET UNDERGROUND

Looking for a reason to celebrate?

Since our own Independence Day is just a blurry fragment of a memory now, why not watch sparks fly as you celebrate another country's freedom? You can do so on Sunday when Sushi Samba throws a Brazilian Independence Day celebration beginning at 8 p.m. with live music and dancing featuring famed performer Gil Santos along with dancers and Brazilian drummers. A second show is at 9:30 p.m. On the menu: specialty cocktails such as the Bandeira, a $12 mix of pinot grigio and cachaca, and specialty dishes...

AFTER DARK

Here's where to make it a vintage weekend

I just made an expensive mistake. I went grocery shopping on an empty stomach. By the time I made it to the end of the cereal aisle, I had five boxes in my shopping cart. My brain knew I didn't need a month's worth of cereal but my grumbling stomach assumed the duties of commander-in-chief.

THE DATING GAME

Why can't a woman be more like a man?

I am sick and tired of women who can't decide whether they should approach a guy they like or wait and hope that he makes a move. The most frequent question I get in my in box is whether it is appropriate for a woman to approach a man. It also becomes a topic of conversation at dinners or with groups on the beach.

VELVET UNDERGROUND

We're getting punked at Churchill's Pub

What better way to kick off the end of the whimper that was summer than with a pioneer of hard core punk, Paul ''HR'' Hudson, the frontman of Bad Brains, whose last album was produced by Beastie Boy Adam Yauch. Hudson is in town to promote his new solo album, Hey Wella, to be released Sept. 30, and will be performing a highly anticipated set at Churchill's Pub on Saturday. Doors open at 8 p.m., and the cover charge is just $10.

One night stand: The Chat Noir Club Mondays at Dream

Where else in Miami can you indulge your inner fetishist among an array of drag shows, comedy, spoken word, bellydancing, live music and contortionists on a Monday evening? Part nightclub, part burlesque show, The Chat Noir (French for black cat), is a 3-month-old extravaganza with the motto ''Two parts circus, one part burlesque, a pinch of class and a dash of trash'' and celebrity hosts like Dita Von Teese and Lady Bunny.

THE DATING GAME

Married with children -- and they're all talk

A colleague of mine recently got married, and upon her return to the office a mini-reception was arranged in her honor. The e-mail's subject line read ``Let's Celebrate.''

At Miami Improv Festival, South Florida's comedy scene is no joke

Comedy is on the house at JohnMartin's in Coral Gables; it comes with serious cuisine at Laffing Matterz in Fort Lauderdale, and it has those you-gotta-be-there moments at Just the Funny in Miami.

For DJ Calderone, it's about time at Space

There are some things in life we take for granted -- attention spans (that is, if they exist); original, not sampled music; The National Enquirer; and clubs that have been around for more than a month. One such place is Space, that vast temple of techno fabulousness downtown, where Saturday, for the first time in its illustrious history, DJ Victor Calderone will spin. Really? The first time in Space's existence? Wow. It seemed as if every DJ who ever got out of bed for more than $10,000 a night...

THE DATING GAME

Pick-up lines get high-tech treatment

This tropical storm nonsense that annoyed us on Monday brought a few of my friends together at CoolGirl's place to watch the Fay updates.