Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Boyfriend’s demands tell all you need to know

 

Dear Carolyn: My on-and-off-again boyfriend said he loves me and feels I’d be the “perfect” woman for him — if only I were in better shape.

Part of me thinks, “Screw you,” and the other part acknowledges I could stand to lose about 30 pounds. We broke up, and I’ve lost about 12 pounds.

Now I’m stuck wondering if I should share my progress and talk about reconciliation (he tried to get back together already) or be happy that I’m getting healthier for ME and leave him in the past.

Losing Weight

What happens if you go through a stretch when you can’t exercise? Put on a lot of baby weight that you struggle to lose? Develop a health condition or take medication that involves weight gain? Or simply go back to this extra weight as your default body position, which is common?

“Off again” is where this relationship belongs, unless you think it sounds appealing to have someone’s love conditioned upon something no one can promise to control — oh, and, bonus! Conditioned upon your service to him and his preferences!

Kindness, absolutely; fidelity, sure; hard work, quite useful; curiosity, great idea; compassion, can’t say enough good things about it; flexibility, a great gift you can give to each other. But physical appearance? Since when was it your job to be perfect for anyone?

Imagine yourself asking of someone else what he asked of you. Would you feel right doing it? If you wouldn’t do it, don’t date it.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at washingtonpost.com.

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