Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Veteran dad has no desire to start a second family

 

Dear Abby: I’m a single mom in a serious relationship with a divorced man who has children of his own. Between us, we have seven, ranging in age from 7 to 17. I’m in my early 30s; he’s in his early 50s.

My dilemma: I’m interested in having another child if we get married. He definitely isn’t. Is it unreasonable for me to want to add to this already large potential blended family? I love the idea of experiencing motherhood again with a little more experience and age under my belt, and I’d love to share that intimacy with him. While he likes the abstract possibility of “our” child, he says he feels too old now and he wouldn’t be able to be the kind of father he would want to be.

If neither of us had kids of our own, this would be a deal-breaker for me, but how do I know if my maternal longings are just the last, painful tickings of my biological clock, or a real desire that I'll end up resenting him for if I ignore it and we stay together?

Is seven enough

Because your boyfriend is in his 50s and has made it clear that he isn’t interested in becoming a father again, I think you should count your many blessings and consider that seven is a lucky number.

Dear Abby: My godmother passed away in January 2011. My godfather, “Jim,” remarried last year. I am still mourning her loss and have not been able to get myself to call and speak to Jim, even though I did send him a congratulatory wedding card.

I love him. Jim is a wonderful, kind, attractive man. I knew it wouldn’t be long before another woman would take an interest in him or he’d find love again. My siblings have tried to get me to make contact with him, but I’m still not ready to accept that he has moved on with another woman. Please advise me.

Can’t face it

I am sorry for your loss, and I’m sure your godmother will always live in your heart. However, if you love your godfather, you should be glad that he has been able to move forward in his life. That he was open to finding love again speaks volumes about the quality of the marriage he shared with your godmother.

Of course seeing Jim with someone else won’t be easy for you, but it is sad that you would sacrifice the special relationship you have with him because you are reluctant to face reality. For both of your sakes, I hope you’ll reconsider. If you do, you may find that you like the new lady in his life.

Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

  • Fit Tip

    Fit Tip: Should I use ice or heat?

    Q: If my muscles are sore, which is better: Ice or heat?

  •  
 <span class="cutline_leadin">Staying safe: </span>Research indicates sunscreen is hurting the oceans.

    Environment

    Study: Sunscreen may harm the sea life

    It’s a crowded Sunday at the 14th street section of South Beach.

  • Skin Deep

    FDA warns about not using Expression as a filler

    It never ceases to amaze me how some people can take injections so lightly. Yes, they are cosmetic and non-invasive, but these treatments require the training and skill only an experienced dermatologist, plastic surgeon, facial plastic surgeon or oculoplastic surgeon possess. Every week I have at least one patient that comes to me to correct filler injected by an inexperienced or inartistic doctor.

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category