Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Veteran dad has no desire to start a second family

 

Dear Abby: I’m a single mom in a serious relationship with a divorced man who has children of his own. Between us, we have seven, ranging in age from 7 to 17. I’m in my early 30s; he’s in his early 50s.

My dilemma: I’m interested in having another child if we get married. He definitely isn’t. Is it unreasonable for me to want to add to this already large potential blended family? I love the idea of experiencing motherhood again with a little more experience and age under my belt, and I’d love to share that intimacy with him. While he likes the abstract possibility of “our” child, he says he feels too old now and he wouldn’t be able to be the kind of father he would want to be.

If neither of us had kids of our own, this would be a deal-breaker for me, but how do I know if my maternal longings are just the last, painful tickings of my biological clock, or a real desire that I'll end up resenting him for if I ignore it and we stay together?

Is seven enough

Because your boyfriend is in his 50s and has made it clear that he isn’t interested in becoming a father again, I think you should count your many blessings and consider that seven is a lucky number.

Dear Abby: My godmother passed away in January 2011. My godfather, “Jim,” remarried last year. I am still mourning her loss and have not been able to get myself to call and speak to Jim, even though I did send him a congratulatory wedding card.

I love him. Jim is a wonderful, kind, attractive man. I knew it wouldn’t be long before another woman would take an interest in him or he’d find love again. My siblings have tried to get me to make contact with him, but I’m still not ready to accept that he has moved on with another woman. Please advise me.

Can’t face it

I am sorry for your loss, and I’m sure your godmother will always live in your heart. However, if you love your godfather, you should be glad that he has been able to move forward in his life. That he was open to finding love again speaks volumes about the quality of the marriage he shared with your godmother.

Of course seeing Jim with someone else won’t be easy for you, but it is sad that you would sacrifice the special relationship you have with him because you are reluctant to face reality. For both of your sakes, I hope you’ll reconsider. If you do, you may find that you like the new lady in his life.

Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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