In My Opinion

Greg Cote's Super Bowl With a Smirk: Jersey trots out its finest D-list celebs for Media Day

 

gcote@MiamiHerald.com

Smirk is not piling on poor New Jersey, the “other” state hosting this Super Bowl. OK, well, maybe Smirk is piling on here. But not without cause!

New Jersey got to host its one major preliminary event on Tuesday — the Media Day carnival with both teams at the Prudential Center in Newark — and here are the celebrities who were trotted out to exemplify the best of the Garden State:

Dionne Warwick and Joe Piscopo.

That’s right.

They were outside the arena greeting visitors as part of the New Jersey Hall of Fame’s mobile museum — and perhaps looking for work, based on both of their career arcs. Piscopo has done nothing that anyone outside his immediate family would know of since being on Saturday Night Live in the 1980s. Warwick, once a popular singer, is more known lately for hosting the Psychic Friends Network infomercial in the 1990s.

Inside the arena, the Broncos and then Seahawks players and coaches availed themselves to some 2,000 media members and 8,000 fans who (inexplicably) paid to observe.

The usual inanity ensued.

Broncos cornerback Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie saying Seattle’s Richard Sherman is not a top-five corner, which passed for news.

Deion Sanders telling Sherman, in a question, that “most” media wanted him to succeed but that a “majority” wanted him to fail.

A TV guy from Austria dressed like Mozart, complete with powdered wig.

Peyton Manning, asked if he watched Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Broncos superfan Rocky the Colorado Leprechaun, preening.

There were two marching bands, marching.

Regis Philbin holding aloft the UFC championship belt.

The usual stuff. Oh, and Marshawn Lynch, wearing a Beast Mode shirt, leaving Media Day after seven minutes. His shirt should have read, Least Mode.

Postscript: Warwick, the Jersey hall of famer, filed for bankruptcy last year. Odd. Wouldn’t you have thought her psychic powers would have meant a windfall in gambling winnings alone?

• Turns out Broncos receiver DeMaryius Thomas’ mother and grandmother will watch the Super Bowl from jail, with both serving time related to intent to distribute crack cocaine. On a positive note, neither woman has ever been implicated in the use of deer antler spray.

• Smirk is continuing to track unconfirmed reports from unidentified sources that this year’s Super Bowl Sunday could be very cold. Updates as warranted.

• SB media were offered an advance screening Tuesday of the upcoming film, Draft Day. It stars Kevin Costner but, who knows, I suppose there’s a chance it could be good, anyway.

• This year apparently will end Edwin Pope’s streak of having covered every Super Bowl. Pope, 85, is the retired former Miami Herald columnist. In his honor, the NFL will change the name of its big game to the “Super Pope.” Which I think is nice.

• Diana LoMoro, a dancer at the same New Jersey strip club since its opening 24 years ago, told a local newspaper she looks forward to increased Super Bowl-related business this week. Hmm. Where’s my calculator? Updated weather forecast: Decreased chance of making it rain for strippers in their mid-40s.

• This is sad. Princess the Prognosticating Camel, a Smirk favorite, has died at age 26 at the Popcorn Park Zoo in Lacey Township, N.J., after years of alcohol abuse. What? Oh. No, apparently she was euthanized after arthritis left her unable to stand.

• Wilson reports that the official Super Bowl game ball will be one of 10 on average harvested from the hide of one adult cow, forcing upon us the unsettling reality that the beautiful pass spiraling downfield once was a doe-eyed Holstein named Peg who did no harm and wished only to live her life in peace.

• A Super Bowl security briefing is scheduled to discuss a crackdown on fake merchandise and so forth. This used to be called the counterfeit briefing, but confused journalists weren’t sure if it was real.

• The Super Bowl media party was Tuesday night at Chelsea Piers in New York, featuring sumptuous free food, myriad open bars and several live bands. Disgruntled sports writers complained that the perfect evening was severely inhibiting their innate desire to gripe about everything.

• Finally, Super Bowl commercials are as popular as the game itself, according to a new poll of people who produce Super Bowl commercials.

Read more Greg Cote stories from the Miami Herald

  •  
Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade, left, and center Chris Bosh watch from the bench during the second half of an NBA basketball game against the Philadelphia 76ers, Wednesday, April 16, 2014 in Miami. The 76ers defeated the Heat 100-87.

    IN MY OPINION

    Greg Cote: Dynasty or dismantling for the Miami Heat?

    A Heat playoff run is the annual gift we slowly unwrap together, our two-month emotional thrill ride ever since LeBron James grandly announced he was “taking my talents to South Beach” that summer night in 2010. Well, buckle up again, South Florida. Prepare for exhilarating highs and work-productivity lows. Prepare for late nights walking drained from the downtown bayside arena. Prepare for hearts to soar or plunge on whether a basketball swishes through a nylon net or bonks off a painted rim.

  •  
Charlotte Bobcats' Al Jefferson, left, drives past Miami Heat's Shane Battier, right, to dunk during the first half of an NBA basketball game in Charlotte, N.C., Saturday, Jan. 18, 2014.

    In My Opinion

    Miami Heat sweep would challenge rosy outlook by Bobcats’ Al Jefferson

    I think that Charlotte Bobcats center Al Jefferson, not a star in the NBA but a good player, must lead the league in seeing the bright side, in trying to find the best in a bad situation. This talent figures to come in particularly handy in the next week-plus as his hopeless underdogs try to avert being swept in four games by the two-time, defending-champion Heat.

  •  
LeBron James cheers as he holds both trophies after the Heat won Game 7 of the 2013 NBA Finals at AmericanAirlines Arena in Miami, Florida on Thursday, June 20, 2013.

    In My Opinion

    Greg Cote: Element of doubt makes this Miami Heat quest intriguing

    This time it feels different, doesn’t it? The Heat in the Big3 Era always has found a way to keep things fresh and keep us fascinated, and now that means trying on a role unlike any the team has played in the previous three seasons. This time, for the first time since LeBron James and Chris Bosh joined Dwyane Wade, Miami enters a postseason seeming a bit vulnerable — something close to the unlikeliest of underdogs.

Get your Miami Heat Fan Gear!

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category