In My Opinion

Greg Cote's Super Bowl With a Smirk: Jersey trots out its finest D-list celebs for Media Day

 

gcote@MiamiHerald.com

Smirk is not piling on poor New Jersey, the “other” state hosting this Super Bowl. OK, well, maybe Smirk is piling on here. But not without cause!

New Jersey got to host its one major preliminary event on Tuesday — the Media Day carnival with both teams at the Prudential Center in Newark — and here are the celebrities who were trotted out to exemplify the best of the Garden State:

Dionne Warwick and Joe Piscopo.

That’s right.

They were outside the arena greeting visitors as part of the New Jersey Hall of Fame’s mobile museum — and perhaps looking for work, based on both of their career arcs. Piscopo has done nothing that anyone outside his immediate family would know of since being on Saturday Night Live in the 1980s. Warwick, once a popular singer, is more known lately for hosting the Psychic Friends Network infomercial in the 1990s.

Inside the arena, the Broncos and then Seahawks players and coaches availed themselves to some 2,000 media members and 8,000 fans who (inexplicably) paid to observe.

The usual inanity ensued.

Broncos cornerback Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie saying Seattle’s Richard Sherman is not a top-five corner, which passed for news.

Deion Sanders telling Sherman, in a question, that “most” media wanted him to succeed but that a “majority” wanted him to fail.

A TV guy from Austria dressed like Mozart, complete with powdered wig.

Peyton Manning, asked if he watched Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Broncos superfan Rocky the Colorado Leprechaun, preening.

There were two marching bands, marching.

Regis Philbin holding aloft the UFC championship belt.

The usual stuff. Oh, and Marshawn Lynch, wearing a Beast Mode shirt, leaving Media Day after seven minutes. His shirt should have read, Least Mode.

Postscript: Warwick, the Jersey hall of famer, filed for bankruptcy last year. Odd. Wouldn’t you have thought her psychic powers would have meant a windfall in gambling winnings alone?

• Turns out Broncos receiver DeMaryius Thomas’ mother and grandmother will watch the Super Bowl from jail, with both serving time related to intent to distribute crack cocaine. On a positive note, neither woman has ever been implicated in the use of deer antler spray.

• Smirk is continuing to track unconfirmed reports from unidentified sources that this year’s Super Bowl Sunday could be very cold. Updates as warranted.

• SB media were offered an advance screening Tuesday of the upcoming film, Draft Day. It stars Kevin Costner but, who knows, I suppose there’s a chance it could be good, anyway.

• This year apparently will end Edwin Pope’s streak of having covered every Super Bowl. Pope, 85, is the retired former Miami Herald columnist. In his honor, the NFL will change the name of its big game to the “Super Pope.” Which I think is nice.

• Diana LoMoro, a dancer at the same New Jersey strip club since its opening 24 years ago, told a local newspaper she looks forward to increased Super Bowl-related business this week. Hmm. Where’s my calculator? Updated weather forecast: Decreased chance of making it rain for strippers in their mid-40s.

• This is sad. Princess the Prognosticating Camel, a Smirk favorite, has died at age 26 at the Popcorn Park Zoo in Lacey Township, N.J., after years of alcohol abuse. What? Oh. No, apparently she was euthanized after arthritis left her unable to stand.

• Wilson reports that the official Super Bowl game ball will be one of 10 on average harvested from the hide of one adult cow, forcing upon us the unsettling reality that the beautiful pass spiraling downfield once was a doe-eyed Holstein named Peg who did no harm and wished only to live her life in peace.

• A Super Bowl security briefing is scheduled to discuss a crackdown on fake merchandise and so forth. This used to be called the counterfeit briefing, but confused journalists weren’t sure if it was real.

• The Super Bowl media party was Tuesday night at Chelsea Piers in New York, featuring sumptuous free food, myriad open bars and several live bands. Disgruntled sports writers complained that the perfect evening was severely inhibiting their innate desire to gripe about everything.

• Finally, Super Bowl commercials are as popular as the game itself, according to a new poll of people who produce Super Bowl commercials.

Read more Greg Cote stories from the Miami Herald

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