Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Man’s reticence about sex puts relationship in jeopardy

 

Dear Abby: I have been seeing a guy, “Karl,” for eight months now, and we have never had sex. After two or three months, I brought up the subject. He said he was stressed because he had just lost his job. He also said there is never any privacy at his place because he has roommates/tenants. I offered to go to my place, but he said that with my son there, it’s the same issue.

Karl says he’s very attracted to me, but doesn’t want our “time” together to be ruined by his current money problems. I told him I understood and I have waited. I also explained that it makes me feel insecure and unwanted.

He now has a job, but we still haven’t had sex. He has, in the interim, told me he loves me and wants to marry me. I constantly worry that there’s someone else and wonder what’s wrong with me. I love Karl, too, but I don’t know what to do. Please help.

Love but no sex

Is there any intimacy AT ALL in your relationship with Karl? Is he affectionate? Is there any physical response when he holds and kisses you? If the answer is no, your boyfriend may have a physical or emotional problem, be asexual or gay.

Before agreeing to marry him, I recommend you schedule some time alone together by spending a few romantic weekends at a hotel or motel. It may give you a better idea of what your future would be like if you two decide the tie the knot.

Dear Abby: I am a 30-year-old gay man who works in an office with 20 women. In the five years I have worked here, many of my co-workers have either gotten married or had children.

Our office has a tradition of throwing showers for the lucky ladies, and I am always asked to contribute money toward food for the party or an extravagant gift.

While I’m happy to donate to a charity or help a friend in need, I wonder if a wedding or a baby shower would be given for ME? Am I selfish for feeling hesitant to donate money or gifts when it’s likely the favor will never be returned?

Minority male

I don’t think you are selfish for feeling the way you do. In fact, it’s understandable. However, in the case of a wedding or baby shower, people give gifts as a way of offering congratulations and good wishes. And I would hope that, even if same-sex marriage isn’t recognized by your state, that your co-workers would do something to honor you if you had a spiritual ceremony, which some religious denominations offer.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

  • Teens, young adults using melatonin more

    Melatonin is growing in popularity among teens and young adults who are trying to regulate their sleep cycle, but experts say using good sleep hygiene such as sticking to a consistent sleep-and-wake schedule is a better solution.

  •  
 <span class="cutline_leadin">MOMENTS BEFORE TRAGEDY:</span> A  video  shows the girl, in pink shorts and braided ponytail, with her hands clutched around the grip of the submachine gun.

    In My Opinion

    Ana Veciana-Suarez: A 9-year-old with an Uzi? That’s crazy

    There is nothing, absolutely nothing logical or sensible or worthwhile in having a 9-year-old learn to use an Uzi. No reason, none whatsoever, for a child to handle a fully automatic gun.

  • Wine

    Marvelous malbec deserves to be discovered

    In a restaurant in Buenos Aires, I ordered a “half” parrillada, so they plunked down only about five pounds of beef on the grill on my table.

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category