Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Trying to get along with trying guests

 

Dear Carolyn: We have had houseguests for a week. They are (thankfully) leaving today. It’s my husband’s friend and his wife. They wanted to visit the major city we live in. I expected our place to be their crash pad, and that we would hang out in limited amounts. But instead they have wanted to hang out almost every evening after work. I have bowed out approximately half the time and let my husband deal with them on his own. I don’t really click with the wife.

The couple themselves don’t get along, and they have started arguing with each other pretty badly. I feel like I did my part by agreeing to let these near strangers stay in my guest room. I was not interested in playing tour guide or entertaining them for more than one or two evenings. I thought we made it clear when they planned their trip that we would be busy with work and would have limited time to hang out with them.

I think the husband has been leaning on us because he really hates spending time alone with his wife, but frankly I don't view that as my problem. I am struggling with my resentment and irritability toward them. My husband is more generous and sympathetic, especially since his friend is stuck in a terrible marriage.

How would you parse this? Is my perspective reasonable or am I being a (w)itch?

Host

I've found that it’s almost impossible for people who are not in this moment with you to judge how nuts you can feel in this moment. Nothing brings out the crazy quite like having someone in your personal space for too long.

Actually, your houseguests could speak to this pretty well themselves, since their own overstaying houseguest is their spouse. Painful.

So, no, I don’t fault you for your irritability, though sympathy might help. If you can't summon any for this unhappy couple, then maybe you can for your husband, who just cares about his friend. That bit of conscious warmth — plus the imminent end of your house arrest — might be all you need to rally, which in turn will be good for your marriage.

Given your aggravation levels, by the way, excusing yourself from half the festivities was the right call.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com.

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

  • As Cubans move on, face of Little Havana changes

    Many of the Cubans have moved on, and now the neighborhood is home to Nicaraguans, Hondurans and others fleeing their countries.

  • Ask Nancy

    How to choose an assisted living facility

    Q. I live in California and have a formerly independent, elderly father in Tamarac, who is deteriorating following a mild stroke and is becoming an increasing burden for his partner, who lives with him. He has an extensive support network of friends in South Florida and doesn't wish to relocate to California, where my brother and I could more easily support him. I need to find an assisted living facility (ALF) for him in the Tamarac area. I certainly intend to travel to Tamarac and inspect the facilities personally, but it would help me a great deal to have a starting point.

  • Jodie Foster weds artist Alexandra Hedison

    LOS ANGELES (AP) – Jodie Foster is a married woman.

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category