Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Man’s suggestion solves one problem but creates another

 

Dear Abby: My wife of 37 years has an exciting career she loves. Unfortunately, her job is 80 miles away from home. We own a condo in her work city. So recently, when she was complaining about the commute, I suggested she stay there for a week, then telecommute from home for a week, etc. She loves the new schedule.

I, on the other hand, am kicking myself! I have recently started working again at 62, and I’m lonely. It’s depressing to come home to an empty house every other week, but I’m the one who suggested it.

Her job could last another two to five years. We have five grandchildren who live close by, so moving to her location isn’t an option. What do I do about this?

Missing her

You tell your wife that although you suggested she stay in the condo for a week at a time, it isn’t working for you, and you’re miserable without her. Or, you accept that a 160-mile daily commute may have become too much for her and fill your lonely hours by getting a hobby and baby-sitting some of those grandchildren whose parents might like some adult time together. But the one thing you shouldn’t do is sit and silently brood because it isn’t healthy.

** ** **

DEAR ABBY: My niece had a bridal shower last March. When

thank-you notes didn’t arrive for the gifts she had been given, she

said they were “lost in the mail” and she would thank everyone in

her wedding thank-yous. Abby, she was married last May and she

hasn’t sent out thank-you notes for her wedding gifts, either.

The gifts my parents and I gave her were expensive, and I am

upset about it. By the way, she wasn’t too busy to write them

because she doesn’t work. Should I confront her or let it go? –

DISGUSTED IN MIDDLEBURG HEIGHTS, OHIO

DEAR DISGUSTED: Your sibling did a poor job of raising her

daughter. If your niece didn’t know that thank-you notes were

supposed to have been sent for her shower gifts, she wouldn’t have

lied about them having been lost in the mail.

However, I see nothing to be gained by confronting her. If you

do, it will cause your sibling to become defensive. Better to make

note of it and respond accordingly when the baby shower invitations

start coming in because that’s what is sure to come next.

** ** **

DEAR ABBY: I’m 19 and recently engaged. My parents refuse to

acknowledge my ring or discuss my wedding plans. I have brought up

the idea of moving to where my fiance is, but they think it’s a

horrible idea because they'll miss me. My grandfather has been

trying to guilt-trip me into staying by saying things like, “We

would miss you. But you don’t care about that or us at all!”

It’s not true, Abby. How do I keep my family informed about my

wedding plans and move within the next three months without them

feeling hurt? – DETERMINED IN TEXAS

DEAR DETERMINED: Tell your parents and grandparents that you

love them, but you’re an adult and need to go where your fiance is.

Tell them you and your fiance would love to have them present when

you take your vows, and hope they will be emotionally supportive. Be

sure to calmly explain that your decision has nothing to do with not

caring about them; it’s about building a future with the man you

love. They may miss you, but in time they'll adjust.

Dear Abby: xxxxx

Dear Abby: xxxxx

Dear Abby: xxxxx

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

  •  
Try it: The flavors of olive tapenade pop in a surprising way when you make it at home.

    Cooking

    Got olives? Try tapenade at home

    Olive tapenade, an earthy, salty paste of olives, capers, anchovies, garlic and other flavorings, is easy to find jarred in specialty shops. But when you whip up a batch yourself at home, the flavors pop in a surprising way that makes you never want to buy it in a jar again.

  •  
 <span class="cutline_leadin">Cold corn:</span> Vichyssoise is just one option of a refreshing soup during a hot summer.

    COOKING

    Dive in to a big bowl of cold soup this summer

    The sun is blazing. The sweat is dripping. The air feels as if it is sticking to your skin.

  •  
 <span class="cutline_leadin">Fresh and crisp: </span>Oven-baked Parmesan adds a salty crunch to this salad recipe from “Chef Michael Smith’s Kitchen.”

    Today’s Special

    Parmigiano-Reggiano earns its reign as king of cheeses

    I love Italian cheeses, everything from Gorgonzola, mozzarella and burrata to pecorino and Parmigiano-Reggiano, the King of Cheeses.

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category