Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Man turned off by gal pal’s resemblance to Mom

 

Dear Abby: I met a guy I think is perfect for me on a dating website. We have gone on several dates and they have been great. He respects my morals and even has some of his own, which isn’t easy to find.

The problem: He says I am exactly what he has been looking for except for one thing. I look like his mother. He says he really likes me and would like to keep dating to see if he can get past this issue. I like him very much. Is there something I can do, short of plastic surgery?

Dead ringer

Before changing anything, you need to explore more closely what he’s saying. Ask to meet his mother, then judge for yourself how strong the resemblance is. It’s possible the similarity is less physical and more about your personality or mannerisms.

You should not alter your image to please anyone but yourself.

Keep in mind that many men DO marry women who resemble their mothers in some way — whether it’s conscious or not — and the marriages are often successful.

Dear Abby: My parents divorced many years ago, and ever since, I have lived with my mother and visit Dad on his days off from work. Mom cheated on Dad, and the man she cheated with lives with us.

I don’t have a good relationship with her boyfriend. We don’t have much in common, and when he drinks, he gets angry for no reason and takes it out on me or Mom, and it puts the whole household in an awkward position, sometimes lasting for days. When he’s sober, he can be fun to be around.

I have talked with my mom about this. She promises she'll talk to him and things are going to change, but they never do. She doesn’t want to break up with him because she can’t afford to pay the mortgage on her own. I have thought about moving in with my dad, but I don’t want to upset her. What do I do?

Wants to move

Your mother hasn’t asserted herself with her boyfriend because she’s financially dependent on him. She’s afraid if she insists he do something about his drinking, he will leave her.

The affair and the boyfriend were her choice, not yours. If you want to move in with your father to avoid being around a verbally abusive drunk — and your father is willing — that’s what you should do. You should not have to tolerate abuse in order not to “upset” your mother. It’s OK to take care of yourself.

Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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