Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Family feuds over child of sister facing jail time

 

Dear Abby: My sister “Nicole” faked several pregnancies to keep her boyfriends around until they wised up. She is now really pregnant by a married man.

Nicole has a long criminal history and is now facing drug charges that could land her in jail for 10 or 15 years. If she’s found guilty, my mother will get custody of the baby. She plans to raise the child until Nicole gets out of prison because my sister “always wanted to be a mom.”

My husband and I would love to adopt Nicole’s baby. We could provide the love, safety and security my sister cannot, and the child would get a stable home. Mom feels Nicole “deserves” to be a mom.

How can I get her to see that she should be more concerned with this innocent baby than her drugged-out daughter. Am I wrong to feel hurt and think my mother is choosing my sister over me?

Heartbroken

Stop personalizing this as a choice your mother is making between you and your sister. Try instead to make her understand how traumatic it will be to a child as old as 10 or 15 to be handed over to a virtual stranger who has no job, no money and a long uphill climb to try and build a future.

Your sister may have always dreamed of motherhood, but the most important part of being a parent — aside from loving a child — is being present. If your sister is found guilty, she will be absent long after her child’s primary attachments will have formed.

If this doesn’t convince your mother, you will have no choice but to accept her decision and consider adopting another child.

Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category