Dear Abby: My sister “Nicole” faked several pregnancies to keep her boyfriends around until they wised up. She is now really pregnant by a married man.
Nicole has a long criminal history and is now facing drug charges that could land her in jail for 10 or 15 years. If she’s found guilty, my mother will get custody of the baby. She plans to raise the child until Nicole gets out of prison because my sister “always wanted to be a mom.”
My husband and I would love to adopt Nicole’s baby. We could provide the love, safety and security my sister cannot, and the child would get a stable home. Mom feels Nicole “deserves” to be a mom.
How can I get her to see that she should be more concerned with this innocent baby than her drugged-out daughter. Am I wrong to feel hurt and think my mother is choosing my sister over me?
Stop personalizing this as a choice your mother is making between you and your sister. Try instead to make her understand how traumatic it will be to a child as old as 10 or 15 to be handed over to a virtual stranger who has no job, no money and a long uphill climb to try and build a future.
Your sister may have always dreamed of motherhood, but the most important part of being a parent — aside from loving a child — is being present. If your sister is found guilty, she will be absent long after her child’s primary attachments will have formed.
If this doesn’t convince your mother, you will have no choice but to accept her decision and consider adopting another child.