New Year’s 2014

Celebrities should make these resolutions but probably won’t

 
Stephen Lovekin / Getty Images

New Year’s is a time for reflection for many normal people. But celebrities, they’re not like us. They reflect upon themselves pretty much every day. Sometimes we wish many famous people would take the time to look inward, so we took the opportunity to do it for them. Herewith, our resolution wish list:

Kanye West: Enroll in an anger management class or two and stay off the motorcycles.

Justin Bieber: Ditch the spray paint, keep your mouth closed and your pants up.

Dean McDermott & Tori Spelling: Stop breeding and get into marriage counseling.

Phil Robertson: If you have to speak your mind, do so behind closed doors.

Dwyane Wade: For the love of all that is holy, use protection (that goes for you too: Dan Marino, Pauly D and Emile Hirsch).

Beyoncé: Donate a wing to the Kennedy Space Center.

Miley Cyrus: Stop shocking and let your music do the talking.

Lamar Odom: Stay clean and away from the video recorder.

Amanda Bynes: Write a tell-all and start a wig company.

Alec Baldwin: Buy a muzzle. Use it.

Jenna Jameson: Check yourself before you wreck yourself on national television.

Jennifer Lawrence: Scale back on the scatalogical chatter.

William Levy: Keep up the abdominal work.

Chris Brown: Behave.

Madeleine Marr

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