New Year’s 2014

Celebrities should make these resolutions but probably won’t

Stephen Lovekin / Getty Images

New Year’s is a time for reflection for many normal people. But celebrities, they’re not like us. They reflect upon themselves pretty much every day. Sometimes we wish many famous people would take the time to look inward, so we took the opportunity to do it for them. Herewith, our resolution wish list:

Kanye West: Enroll in an anger management class or two and stay off the motorcycles.

Justin Bieber: Ditch the spray paint, keep your mouth closed and your pants up.

Dean McDermott & Tori Spelling: Stop breeding and get into marriage counseling.

Phil Robertson: If you have to speak your mind, do so behind closed doors.

Dwyane Wade: For the love of all that is holy, use protection (that goes for you too: Dan Marino, Pauly D and Emile Hirsch).

Beyoncé: Donate a wing to the Kennedy Space Center.

Miley Cyrus: Stop shocking and let your music do the talking.

Lamar Odom: Stay clean and away from the video recorder.

Amanda Bynes: Write a tell-all and start a wig company.

Alec Baldwin: Buy a muzzle. Use it.

Jenna Jameson: Check yourself before you wreck yourself on national television.

Jennifer Lawrence: Scale back on the scatalogical chatter.

William Levy: Keep up the abdominal work.

Chris Brown: Behave.

Madeleine Marr

Read more People stories from the Miami Herald

  • Celebrity birthdays on July 12

    Actor-comedian Bill Cosby is 77. Singer Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac is 71. Actress Denise Nicholas (“In the Heat of the Night”) is 70. Actress Cheryl Ladd is 63. Actress Mel Harris (“thirtysomething”) is 58. Gospel singer Sandi Patty is 58. Actress Lisa Nicole Carson (“Ally McBeal”) is 45. Rapper Magoo is 41. Actress Anna Friel (“Pushing Daisies”) is 38. Singer Tracie Spencer is 38. Actor Topher Grace (“That ’70s Show”) is 36. Actress Michelle Rodriguez (“Lost”) is 36. Actress Natalie Martinez (“Under the Dome”) is 30. Actor Erik Per Sullivan (“Malcolm in the Middle”) is 23.

  • The style scene

    Lauren Conrad does cocktails in Miami

    Lauren Conrad’s new craze is fresh mint.

  • Celebrity roundup

    Amber Valletta comes clean: I’m a raging addict

    Amber Valletta isn’t playing the blame game. The model-actress (Hitch, Revenge, Transporter 2) talked candidly in a video for and takes full responsibility for her addiction to drugs and alcohol. In the clip, Valletta says she started young, sniffing markers while growing up in Oklahoma, then graduated to the hard stuff when she began posing for magazines. Even though she has been sober for 25 years, the self proclaimed raging addict still has moments when she wants to “distract herself” because she’s “uncomfortable being a human being.” The 40-year-old mother of one, who is married to volleyball player Chip McCaw, credits looking inward constantly to stay healthy.

Miami Herald

Join the

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category