Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Ending attempts to have relationship with Mom

 

Dear Carolyn: A recent column about family (http://wapo.st/1cDW9Nq) really hit home. For years I've been trying to make my relationship with my mom better, always hoping that if I just tried harder and did more she would love me and accept me. We've had some wonderful times but it's always been a roller coaster.

I finally hit rock bottom with her and feel like I need to let go of the mom I want her to be and accept her for who she is and grieve that loss, but make the most of what I do have. Any book recommendations? I will be pursuing therapy; I think it's a must.

Accepting

I'm sorry for your disappointment, but it sounds as if you have a lot of good things ahead of you now —the inherent benefit in "rock bottom."

The first book I thought of was Anywhere but Here by Mona Simpson. A novel probably isn't the type of book you had in mind, but it's Difficult Mom Distancing immersion.

Another offbeat offering that I suspect will hit the spot is the movie Ruby in Paradise, starring a young Ashley Judd in the kind of role I wish she had stuck to. It's a pitch-perfect take on the transition from a life where others let you down to a life where you come through for yourself.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at washingtonpost.com.

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