Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Four-hour commute is iffy investment in relationship

 

Dear Abby: I have been seeing my boyfriend, "Casey," for a year. He has said throughout our courtship that we could get married in four to five years.

Over the past couple of months, he has become distant and less romantic. I drive four hours to see him almost every week, and he seems fine then, but when we're apart, he rarely texts me and seems disinterested.

On one of my recent visits, Casey said he NEVER wants to get married! When I asked what had changed his mind, his response was that he has decided that marriage is a trap. When I asked if he still wanted to be with me, he said yes.

I know I don't want to be Casey's girlfriend forever. I don't want to waste my time if he's not going to marry me, but I really want to be with him. Do you think he'll change his mind again, or is it time for me to end things?

Waiting and Hoping in Maryland

If you're doing all of the four-hour commuting, you're not only waiting and hoping, you are also doing most of the work in your relationship with Casey. From your description of his attention span, when you're out of sight, you are not on his mind.

You didn't mention how old you both are, but it appears Casey has some growing up to do. Marriage isn't a trap; it's a partnership. And like any strong partnership there is commitment involved. If Casey isn't up to making a commitment and marriage is what you're after, you should save the wear and tear on your car and the expense of the gas and find a man who is less gun-shy.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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