Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: College friend is a bombshell and a flirt now

 

Dear Carolyn: I'm friends with a group of men and women who have known each other since college. Another of our old college friends just moved to the area and has started hanging out with us.

Where in college she was pretty in a kind of goofy, careless way, she is now a bombshell who is in meticulous shape, has money to spend on things like hair and nails, and shows up everywhere dressed to the nines. She eclipses us all.

Hanging out with her one-on-one is actually pretty nice, but hanging out with her in groups drives me crazy. My male friends treat her like she is the Messiah, giving her credit for being smarter, funnier and more interesting than she actually is. Even though she has a boyfriend, she is an incredible flirt and diverts all the attention to her when we go out in all-female groups. I like her as a person, but barely; I think most of the positive attention she gets is solely because of her looks. How do I learn to relate to and be nicer to her, given that I resent her so badly?

Being Kind to the Bombshell

Embrace this little nugget in your question: "just moved to the area." Novelty is her friend, and time is yours.

She is apparently your friend, too, so make some extra effort to be hers. That being with her one-on-one is "actually pretty nice" is a memo to you: It says her looks have the potential to give her a pedestal among admiring men, but cost her the kind of leeway potential friends would grant her if she weren't hot.

Meanwhile, pedestal life can get drafty; attention for looks is shallow and temporary, and, geesh, even her old guy friends are on her like panting dogs.

In that light, it's hard to see the attention she gets as "positive" — one way to keep resentment in check.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at washingtonpost.com.

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