$29.95 (with free U.S. shipping) from

Suggested by Craig Roberts of Meridian, Idaho.

Dogs keep a busy schedule. They have to go out, then they have to come back in, then they have to go back out, then they have to come back in, then they have to go back out, then they have to come back in, then they have to go back out, and then they have to come back in again. And that's just from 7 to 7:15 a.m.

Unfortunately, for most dogs, the only way to communicate to you that they need you to open the door is to scratch manually on the door, which is annoying and technologically primitive, not to mention causing low self-esteem in the dog. But now, thanks to the miracle of space-age electronics, we have the dog doorbell, which eliminates that annoying scratching and replaces it with an annoying doorbell sound that the dog makes by pressing the big yellow button with its snout. Your dog will love this amazing product, unless your dog is anything like my dog, which was terrified of it.

The dog doorbell is mounted low enough for dogs to use it, which means it would also be a great gift for anybody who sometimes parties a little too hard and arrives home unable to walk erect. We are not saying that Mr. Keith Richards is a devoted user of this doorbell. But neither are we saying that he isn't.



Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide stories from the Miami Herald


    You've probably seen the TV commercials for Perfect Polly, the battery-operated pretend parakeet manufactured in China from genuine plastic.


    These are special glasses that use an amazing scientific principle — possibly photosynthesis — to bend light beams at a 90-degree angle. This means that when you put these glasses on, instead of seeing what's in front of you, you're actually looking straight down.


    If you are not putting a brassiere on your hen (or self-mutilating parrot) (which would be a good name for a rock band) you could very well be contributing to its DEATH.

Miami Herald

Join the

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category