GLÄCE LUXURY ICE

 

$75 plus next-day shipping and handling from deandeluca.com

Suggested by Jay Brandes of Savannah, Ga.

Of all the products we have ever featured in the Holiday Gift Guide, this is the one that, more than any other, makes us say, quote: "Huh?"

Here's the product description from the Dean and Deluca catalog, which we are not making up:

"Gläce Luxury Ice is a meticulously designed and differentiated ice brand specifically designed for use in premium drinks and cocktails. The Gläce Mariko Sphere is a perfectly spherical 2.5-inch piece with a melting rate of 20-30 minutes. The Gläce G-Cubed, a symmetrical 2.5-inch cube, has a dilution rate of 20-40 minutes. Gläce Ice pieces are individually carved from a 300-lb. block to ensure flawless quality and a zero-taste profile, never contaminating the essence of premium liquors and drinks."

In other words, Gläce Luxury Ice is: Ice. It is frozen water. Granted, it is an "ice brand" that has a special name with two little dots over the "a" to suggest classiness, and it has been "individually carved," and it has a "melting rate" and a "zero taste profile." But it's still ice.

Guess how much it costs, for a box of 10 cubes.

Seventy-five dollars.

That's right: SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS. For ICE. So obviously this is a product aimed at real connoisseurs, with "connoisseur" defined as "a person with even less intelligence than the morons who buy Perfect Polly."

We purchased an order of Gläce Luxury Ice using money generously provided by the Miami Herald. Our plan was to put it in a premium drink and then drink it, but by the time our photographer finished taking pictures of it, it had melted. So now what we have is a bag of water. But it's luxury water. It's Wäter. And we're willing to let it go, to the right connoisseur, for just $50.

Next gift: BRAIN GAMES FOR DOGS

DAVE BARRY 2013 GIFT GUIDE

Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide stories from the Miami Herald

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  • CHICKEN BRASSIERE

    If you are not putting a brassiere on your hen (or self-mutilating parrot) (which would be a good name for a rock band) you could very well be contributing to its DEATH.

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