NECKTIE FLASK

 

$24.95 (free shipping available) from flasktie.co

Suggested by Dan Given of Tustin, Calif. and Rick Jameson of Dublin, Ohio.

Drinking on the job was not always frowned upon. As you know if you watch Mad Men, back in the 1960s American office workers routinely pounded down tumblers of booze at 10:30 in the morning. Yet during that same era, America was able to (1) land men on the moon, and (2) produce groundbreaking TV commercials such as the one where a rabbit tries to steal Trix cereal from kids because it has, quote, "real fruit colors."

Coincidence? We think not.

So let's say that, for whatever perfectly legitimate reason, you or somebody on your holiday gift list would like to conceal eight ounces of liquid on your person in an office environment. This is the item for you. It's a necktie with a hidden plastic container connected to a tube so you can suck the liquid without removing the tie. It's perfect for work, but it's also great for funerals, ballet recitals, jury duty, congressional hearings — any situation where you find yourself thinking: "I could sure go for eight ounces of liquid." And the beauty of it is, nobody will suspect a thing until you pass out facedown in a pool of your own fluids.

This is the official necktie of the Federal Reserve Board.

Next gift: CHICKEN DIAPERS

DAVE BARRY 2013 GIFT GUIDE

Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide stories from the Miami Herald

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  • CHICKEN BRASSIERE

    If you are not putting a brassiere on your hen (or self-mutilating parrot) (which would be a good name for a rock band) you could very well be contributing to its DEATH.

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