$19.98 plus shipping and handling from

We don't know about you, but when we have a medical problem, we do not "take chances" with our treatment. We go straight to one of the nation's best-known authorities on healthcare: the Harriet Carter mail-order gift catalog ("Distinctive Gifts Since 1958"). That is why we are so excited about this neck air cushion, which is a rubber thing that you wrap around your neck, and then pump up with air to receive medical benefits. This is important because your neck is one of your most vital bodily organs. Think about it: Without your neck, your head (this happens more often than you would think) would fall right off. That's why you should purchase a neck air cushion for yourself and everybody on your gift list. Not only does it provide important unspecified benefits, but it makes you look as though you are being strangled by some kind of mutant blue squid. You cannot put a price tag on that.



Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide stories from the Miami Herald


    You've probably seen the TV commercials for Perfect Polly, the battery-operated pretend parakeet manufactured in China from genuine plastic.


    These are special glasses that use an amazing scientific principle — possibly photosynthesis — to bend light beams at a 90-degree angle. This means that when you put these glasses on, instead of seeing what's in front of you, you're actually looking straight down.


    If you are not putting a brassiere on your hen (or self-mutilating parrot) (which would be a good name for a rock band) you could very well be contributing to its DEATH.

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