$62 plus shipping and handling from japantrendshop.com

Suggested by Ken Fineberg of Columbia, S.C.; Chuck Cody of Columbus, Ohio; Ryan Jentzsch of Saint George, Utah; Jeff Meyerson of Brooklyn N.Y.; Janice Gelb of Melbourne, Australia

This is the perfect holiday gift to give when you want to send the message: "Your face is fat." This Face Slimmer Exercise Mouthpiece is made in Japan, a nation famous for being totally non-weird. According to the import-company website, all you do is insert this mouthpiece, then for three minutes make "mouth movements" and "say vowel sounds out loud over and over again," and voilà, like magic you will look like a lunatic with some kind of hideous lip disease. But when you take the mouthpiece out, you will look youthful and vibrant, at least according to the import company, and we see no reason why it would lie.



Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide stories from the Miami Herald


    You've probably seen the TV commercials for Perfect Polly, the battery-operated pretend parakeet manufactured in China from genuine plastic.


    These are special glasses that use an amazing scientific principle — possibly photosynthesis — to bend light beams at a 90-degree angle. This means that when you put these glasses on, instead of seeing what's in front of you, you're actually looking straight down.


    If you are not putting a brassiere on your hen (or self-mutilating parrot) (which would be a good name for a rock band) you could very well be contributing to its DEATH.

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