FACE SLIMMER MOUTHPIECE

 

$62 plus shipping and handling from japantrendshop.com

Suggested by Ken Fineberg of Columbia, S.C.; Chuck Cody of Columbus, Ohio; Ryan Jentzsch of Saint George, Utah; Jeff Meyerson of Brooklyn N.Y.; Janice Gelb of Melbourne, Australia

This is the perfect holiday gift to give when you want to send the message: "Your face is fat." This Face Slimmer Exercise Mouthpiece is made in Japan, a nation famous for being totally non-weird. According to the import-company website, all you do is insert this mouthpiece, then for three minutes make "mouth movements" and "say vowel sounds out loud over and over again," and voilà, like magic you will look like a lunatic with some kind of hideous lip disease. But when you take the mouthpiece out, you will look youthful and vibrant, at least according to the import company, and we see no reason why it would lie.

Next gift: HOODIE PILLOW CASE

DAVE BARRY 2013 GIFT GUIDE

Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide stories from the Miami Herald

  • PERFECT POLLY

    You've probably seen the TV commercials for Perfect Polly, the battery-operated pretend parakeet manufactured in China from genuine plastic.

  • PRISM GLASSES

    These are special glasses that use an amazing scientific principle — possibly photosynthesis — to bend light beams at a 90-degree angle. This means that when you put these glasses on, instead of seeing what's in front of you, you're actually looking straight down.

  • CHICKEN BRASSIERE

    If you are not putting a brassiere on your hen (or self-mutilating parrot) (which would be a good name for a rock band) you could very well be contributing to its DEATH.

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category