Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Rewrite the script for Thanksgiving gathering

 
 
hax
hax

Dear Carolyn: How do I handle not being invited to the extended family Thanksgiving dinner? An estranged sibling is having the dinner and has excluded the other three siblings. The only other family member who knows is my mother, a favorite target of the estranged sibling's bullying. The extended family does not know there is a rift (a rift due to an ongoing pattern of this bullying).

Do I just suck it up and cook my own dinner, or get together with the other two siblings and not mention it to anyone outside the family nucleus?

R.

Or invite people you enjoy who you know don't have plans, or invite your other siblings and don't care who knows what, or pack a bag and treat yourself to an overnight someplace you've always wanted to see/see again, or spend the day shopping online for a needy family, or warm up your favorite pie and queue up a video marathon that provokes thought, inspires you or just makes you laugh out loud.

When someone spits on your script, that is hurtful and upsetting, I get it. But it's also license to drop the spitty script in the fire and write a new one. If you can use this do-over to be more generous with others than your sibling has been with you, then think of that as the stuffing in the bird.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at washingtonpost.com.

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