Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Epileptic wife feels violated by husband

 

Dear Abby: I love my husband very much. Until the last few years there have never been any problems in our 20-year marriage. I have depression and epilepsy, and I am on five different medications for them.

Sometimes when I have come out of a seizure, I have found that my clothes have been removed and my husband is "touching" me. Also, because the medication puts me into a deep sleep at night, I have half-awakened to him having sex with me. I am so groggy I can't respond. Is this right? I feel like I have been violated, but I haven't said anything to him. This causes me to cringe most of the time when he touches me now.

I'd like to get back to a normal love life, but I can't get over what he does to me when I'm not fully aware. How do I tell him I know what he has been doing without ruining my marriage?

Feeling violated in Rio Rancho, N.M. .

You feel violated because what your husband is doing is called spousal rape, and it's a criminal offense. Having sex with someone who is so doped up she (or he) can't give consent is a sexual assault. Tell your husband you know what he has been doing, how you feel about it and that you would prefer that the two of you make love while you are wide awake and able to fully enjoy it. This should be discussed with a marriage counselor and, if necessary, the police.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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