Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Estranged wife torn about attending family events

 

Dear Carolyn: About a month ago my husband, out of nowhere, informed me that he no longer wanted to be with me, and we are now separating. I am extremely hurt and frustrated, but we are keeping things as civil as possible, and have been able to negotiate our separation terms on our own.

My husband travels frequently for his job — usually two to three weeks total each month — and I’m wondering if you can provide me with some guidance as to the best way to uphold my son’s relationship with my husband’s parents through the separation and divorce. I have always had a good relationship with my in-laws. They live about an hour away from us, and in the past, I have taken our son to certain family gatherings there even if my husband was gone.

I’m wondering how to balance my own feelings of not wanting to attend these gatherings and not feeling “obligated” to do so anymore, with my desire to do what’s best for my son regarding his relationship with my husband’s parents, and with their desire to see their grandson. Should I still take my son to these family events when my husband is not here to take him, or is there a way to bow out gracefully? So far, I have politely delayed giving a definite answer to their invitation, but I know I can’t hold out forever.

Divorce, Grandparents and Visitation

I think that, as much as it will feel like punching yourself in the face, bringing your son to your husband’s family’s events will set an awesome example for your son.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at washingtonpost.com.

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category