Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Husband dislikes wife’s cooking schedule

 

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have been married a little over a year and a half and are still adjusting to living together, I guess.

Several months ago I suggested that we each take two weekday nights and that person would be responsible for planning and cooking the meal on those days.

He is frustrated by the schedule because it turns cooking into a chore and some days he would be happy eating cereal for dinner. I’m more practical about meals (yes, dinner is a chore but we still have to eat!), and cooking for my partner motivates me to make something healthy.

Anyway, now I feel like I’m forcing this schedule on him, ruining his love of cooking.

Should we just do our own thing at dinner time? I know that bean-counting is dangerous to a relationship and I don’t want to do it, but I can’t push away this creeping resentment.

Dinner Time

Just to get it out of the way, I’m having an eye-roll over the idea that cooking twice a week is too much of a buzzkill for him to bear. !

While “I cook for you and you serve me corn flakes” may be technically accurate, it’s a micro look at a macro arrangement. There’s no shortage of jobs required to keep a household running, and there’s also a wide range of normal for what a functional household looks like.

Since you feel strongly about dinner, then consider shouldering most of it – and have your husband assume a different burden of similar weight. For example, he can certainly shop for the groceries and do all the dishes.

If you broaden the discussion to everything that must be done to keep your lives running then you’ll be onto a division of labor that’s truly equitable. That is, as long as that’s the result you both sincerely want and are both willing to work to achieve.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at washingtonpost.com.

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

  •  
 <span class="cutline_leadin">Meatless Wednesday:</span> Tortellini and fresh spinach cook directly in a broth perked up with white wine and garlic. The soup makes an easy, midweek family meal.

    Seven-day menu planner

    Plan your meals a week at a time or pick and choose your favorites. Each meal comes with a shopping list.

  • Ask Nancy

    Ask Nancy: My mother won’t listen to her doctors

    Q. My sister and I are constantly taking my 86-year-old mother to the doctor for her real and/or imagined problems and the doctor will make suggestions or prescribe treatments. She either disagrees with what the doctor says and requests to see a different doctor, or decides that she doesn’t want to do the treatment or take the medicine. How do we get her to comply with what the doctors prescribe?

  •  
 <span class="cutline_leadin">Chef’s knife:</span> Chef Tom Azar prefers to use an 8-inch chef’s knife, sharp, in his kitchens.

    Cooking

    A cut above: Sharp knives are a home cook’s greatest tool

    For home cooks, buying the right knives is only half the game. Proper storage and professional sharpening also are key.

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category