Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Wife afraid of moving for husband’s job


Dear Carolyn: My husband and I live in an expensive East Coast city, my hometown. I have a lot of friends and family here, and we both have graduate degrees and good jobs.

He just got a job offer in his Midwestern hometown, where a lot of his friends and family are, for more money. This is pretty much his dream job. But it means I have to give up my job and friends for him to have his. Also, we have a baby and can’t afford a house in a good school district here – both would be fairly easy, even if I didn’t work, in his hometown. So it would probably be better for him and the baby if we move.

I’m just worried that I won’t be able to find a job or friends, and I’ll miss my family and friends here. It really comes down to me. How do I figure it out?

Nothing Clever

It sounds as if it’s two well-beings against one – meaning there’s no way you can oppose relocating without being selfish. Everyone who uproots from a beloved place misses friends, and harbors fear that new roots won’t grow.

Tell him you’ll go and give it your best – meaning, actually try vs. toughing it out – in return for his willingness to move back to your home town in X years if you’re miserable. Deal? And while you’re there: Save, save, save.

Email Carolyn at, follow her on Facebook at or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

  • Condo Line

    What happened to our annual meeting?

    Q: I would like your opinion on whether or not an association must have an annual meeting. As of now, the last annual meeting in our HOA was in March 2012. FS 720 states that the association “shall” conduct an annual meeting. Our current board and property management company are of the opinion that you only have to try to have one. If a quorum is not reached then the annual meeting is not held and no attempt is made to schedule another meeting.

  • Southern Cross Stargazer for Aug. 3-9, 2014

    First Quarter Moon occurs at 8:50 p.m. and floats 6 degrees to the right of silver Saturn — encircled in sunlit icy rings — in the south-southwest. Ruddy Mars grows dim about 8 degrees to the right of the moon. The planets set late evening.

  • The travel troubleshooter

    I’m contagious — can I get a refund for my flight?

    Q: Last year, I booked a round-trip ticket from Vienna to New York on Lufthansa’s website. I didn’t notice it, but the comprehensive fare rules were not displayed at the time of booking, only the following note:“The fare you have selected is nonrefundable (except the unused taxes and fees) and cannot or only with restrictions be rebooked.”

Miami Herald

Join the

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category