Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Wife afraid of moving for husband’s job


Dear Carolyn: My husband and I live in an expensive East Coast city, my hometown. I have a lot of friends and family here, and we both have graduate degrees and good jobs.

He just got a job offer in his Midwestern hometown, where a lot of his friends and family are, for more money. This is pretty much his dream job. But it means I have to give up my job and friends for him to have his. Also, we have a baby and can’t afford a house in a good school district here – both would be fairly easy, even if I didn’t work, in his hometown. So it would probably be better for him and the baby if we move.

I’m just worried that I won’t be able to find a job or friends, and I’ll miss my family and friends here. It really comes down to me. How do I figure it out?

Nothing Clever

It sounds as if it’s two well-beings against one – meaning there’s no way you can oppose relocating without being selfish. Everyone who uproots from a beloved place misses friends, and harbors fear that new roots won’t grow.

Tell him you’ll go and give it your best – meaning, actually try vs. toughing it out – in return for his willingness to move back to your home town in X years if you’re miserable. Deal? And while you’re there: Save, save, save.

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