• Usain Bolt won the 100 meters at the world track championships in Moscow. Bolt continues to deny he uses any PEDs, but has admitted to using discreetly hidden jet packs.
Ricky Williams is new running backs coach at University of the Incarnate Word in San Antonio. Not sure if his unit will lead the conference in rushing, but I bet they lead the league in the munchies.
• New reports indicate friends of Alex Rodriguez leaked info that led to Ryan Brauns suspension for PEDs. So its a close call now whos lower: Cheatin A-Rod or his rattin buddies.
• As the U.S. opens nears, Maria Sharapova fired Jimmy Connors after only one month and one match as her coach. In sympathy, John McEnroe exclaimed, You cannot be [bleepin] serious!
• My football fantasy draft is next week. Im thinking either Tim Tebow or Aaron Hernandez in the first round.
• Bernie Kosar is not backing down from his on-air criticism that angered Rams coach Jeff Fisher. I thought analysts were supposed to be honest. But apparently not that honest.
I Googled the phrase unfounded optimism and saw that Dale Earnhardt Jr., who has won only two races since 2007 and none in more than a year, predicted a victory was imminent.
• Gators basketball coach Billy Donovan said hell give a tryout to Zach Hodskins, a one-armed player who became a YouTube sensation. Donovan says Hodskins can do it all, other than clapping.
• UMs Corn Elder plans to play both football and basketball. Not sure if he can do both. I just like writing the name Corn Elder.
• In womens golf, the Solheim Cup is underway. I doubt if even Solheim cares.
• The rock group KISS has bought an Arena Football League team in Los Angeles. Not sure if the team will win, but Id expect its players will lead the league in facepaint and eight-inch heels.
• Bet I can make you feel old in one sentence: This week marked 36 years since Elvis died, and 44 years since Woodstock.
• NASCAR teamed with actress Alyssa Milano to create a line of fashionable apparel for women race fans. What, youve never seen a sequined Confederate flag before?
• Retired NASCAR driver Kyle Petty said Danica Patrick can go fast, but she cant race. Hmm. Kyle, you won only eight races in 829 starts over 30 years. Quiet, please.
• The Calder-Gulfstream keeps escalating. The other day I saw armies of jockeys from both tracks on horseback, jousting.
• The Harlem Globetrotters exhibition basketball franchise is for sale. Assets include a pail that you think is full of water but actually only contains confetti!
• The Association of Nigerian Prostitutes has offered free sex to the national soccer team for winning the African Cup. I dunno. I feel like that association would have interesting board meetings.
• NFL plans to place cameras inside locker rooms and start airing video to fans at stadiums. It will be a good idea until the moment a horrified crowd is accidentally shown a 365-pound guard with no pants.
• Parting thought: I read there is a book the size of a ladybug (seriously) that can only be read with a microscope. I hear it contains all the names of people who still like A-Rod.
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