The phenomenon about the NFL preseason is that fans tend to attach an importance to the results that is thoroughly and comically disproportionate to the meaninglessness of them.
After an offseason bereft of games, football is football, I guess, and so moderation is lost in the hunger for clues to how good your team might be. That is why many of the same Dolfans wringing hands and fretting after a sloppy opening loss to Dallas all but chant “Su-per Bowl!” now in the wake of Friday night’s 27-3 victory at Jacksonville.
I tried to say the loss in the Hall of Fame Game was not all that bad, or even surprising for a first outing. Now let me be the guy casting the damp blanket like a fishing net and reminding you Friday’s victory must be measured against the fact the Jaguars are abysmal NFL bottom feeders.
Put it this way: If football had a relegation system like English soccer has, Jacksonville would have been demoted to Canada by now.
The Jags’ quarterback choice is Blaine Gabbert or Chad Henne. Need I say more?
A more telling preseason test for Miami comes in six days at Houston.
Meantime, Miami received bad news and saw playoff hopes dim Saturday when the NFL quietly rejected the Dolphins’ request to be moved to a two-team division with Jacksonville and only play the Jaguars every week.
• We have updated Sports Summer of Shame standings: Accused murderer Aaron Hernandez maintains his lead, with Alex Rodriguez leapfrogging fellow PED fraud Ryan Braun for second place and racist Riley Cooper in with dishonorable mention.
• Baseball suspended 13 players, including A-Rod, in one day last week. Call it a Fakers’ Dozen.
• Tiger Woods entered the weekend well off pace in the PGA Championship, the year’s last major, but former Fort Lauderdale St. Thomas Aquinas golfer Jason Dufner was in the hunt after tying a majors record with a 63. So, yes, apparently St. Thomas does have sports other than football.
• That reminds me. Miami Central and Booker T. Washington are No. 1 in the nation in different preseason prep football polls, raising the question, “Why are there national high school football polls?”
• The FHSAA has called for steroid testing of high school athletes. I’ll miss prep baseball.
• Dolphins owner Stephen Ross said he is “committed long-term” to general manager Jeff Ireland. Dolfans are still trying to decide if that’s a good thing.
• LeBron James reported for jury duty in his hometown of Akron, Ohio, last week but was not chosen. See, he’s a regular citizen just like you and I, other than he’s incredibly famous, talented, popular and rich.
• The newly released NBA schedule has two-time reigning champion Heat traveling on Thanksgiving between road games and at the Lakers on Christmas Day. Lakers tie Heat with 25 national TV appearances. Guess TV didn’t get the memo that it’s no longer 2010 and Kobe Bryant’s team is no longer any good.
• The Marlins had lost six games in a row entering the weekend. The halcyon mirage of temporary respectability has dissolved to once again reveal a team using foam pool noodles as bats.
• Chipper Jones has quit Twitter. Twitter wept.
• American Missy Franklin tied a record with six gold medals at the swimming world championships in Barcelona, foreshadowing a tidal wave of renewed popularity for “Missy” as a name for girls. Or not.
• The NASL’s Fort Lauderdale Strikers have begun their fall season. I wasn’t sure the team had enough fans for one season a year, let alone two.
• Quotes I Never Imagined Reading (one in a series): From Bears tight end Martellus Bennett: “I love dinosaurs. I still do believe that they exist.”
• NASCAR’s most popular driver, Dale Earnhardt Jr., needs a sponsor for 12 remaining races. OK, legion of Junior fans: Pony up!
• The 2014 Winter Olympics will go on in Sochi, Russia, despite that nation’s legislated homophobia. I say we annoy the Russians by having this Olympics consist solely of men’s figure skating.
• An obsessed Twitter follower won a date with track star Lolo Jones by securing more than 150,000 re-tweets. I haven’t yet decided where I’ll take her.
• Mike and Bob Bryan became the first men to hold all four major tennis titles at once, but I defer to Jack Nicklaus, who said, “If doubles players were good enough, they’d be playing singles.” You go, old Jack!
• Lionel Messi was a no-show in Chicago for 75 fans who paid $2,500 to meet him. Dear fans: No big loss. Out of uniform and off the soccer field, Lionel pretty much just looks like a short, dark-haired guy.
• Ray Lewis canceled his plan to climb Mount Kilimanjaro because of a foot injury. Mount Kilimanjaro did the Squirrel Dance to mock Lewis.
• Parting thought: Former Heat player Michael Beasley was arrested for possession of marijuana. Is that even news? That’s like me being found in possession of a donut.
Visit Greg’s Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at MiamiHerald.com and follow on Twitter @gregcote, on Instagram/upsetbird and on Vine/Greg Cote.