Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Expecting, but not wanting a baby shower

 

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: I’m pregnant with my first child, and I’m getting quite a bit of feedback from close friends and family about having a baby shower.

I don’t really want to have one. I feel like my husband and I have the resources to take care of what we really need, and it seems a little self-centered to be asking anyone else to contribute to a choice we made on our own. Is it OK to say no, I don’t want one? Is it important to let other people have a party?

A Must?

You’re under no obligation to have a shower. However, the answer to your other question is that people often do like to feel as if they’re a part of your major life events. That sounds like the case here, and having a bunch of people feeling invested in your baby’s life isn’t the worst thing for the baby.

So, why not at least consider a themed shower that allows people to (1) express their taste vs. follow your instructions; (2) spend very little; (3) promote a beautiful connection between these loving people and your baby?

The idea I have in mind is a children’s book shower, where guests are asked to bring (and sign) a favorite. Another, though, would be an advice or time-capsule shower, where people can write down something they wish someone had told them … let’s say upon their high-school graduation, or at different stages of life. Get a nice archival box for them and hold on to it to present to your child when s/he’s 18. I’m wishing I’d done this.

Anyway, urge these “close friends and family” to toss around ideas with you, if this version of a shower appeals to you.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at washingtonpost.com.

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category