MJ: Dallas Barbie.
PM: Oh right! I asked my stepmom — she went there once. She said: “Either a cheerleader, a cardiologist’s wife or works in HR at an oil company.”
MJ: Your stepmom knows a lot about Dallas!!!
PM: I think she was just kind of wasted. LOL.
MJ: LOL. Next is Phoenix Barbie.
PM: I only know one thing about Phoenix — people burn their hands on car doors there. I saw it on Arrested Development LOL.
MJ: OK, but . . . sorry, but that just makes me think of why Malibu Barbie was so good. I mean, the beach . . .
PM: I know. The beach! Malibu Barbie was so much easier!
We can’t be like, “OK, this is Phoenix Barbie . . .”
MJ: “. . . and every day what she does is she burns her hand on a car door.” Right?
PM: Ugh. We’re almost at the end of the list of cities on her tour. San Francisco Barbie.
MJ: Barbie lives in a freezing cold Victorian? And knows lots of boring stuff about computers? And wears fleece? Or she’s a lesbian who rides a bike everywhere?
PM: There’s only one left. Los Angeles Barbie.
MJ: I have ideas for this one!
PM: :-) :-) :-)
MJ: Malibu Barbie was Westside Barbie, right? So. This is Eastside Barbie. She comes dressed in a short calico dress and scuffed vinyl knee-high boots. She’s got pink ombre hair.
PM: Yeah, and like, one side is shaved. She’s got the total grubby kitten look. I wonder if they can make Barbie slouch a little? Instead of a boyfriend she gets a new friend who is …
MJ: I actually feel OK about this one!
PM: I can’t believe we couldn’t come up with anything and for this one we came up with so much.
MJ: I can. I mean, we just needed to finally picture Barbie in a place that was like, normal!
Sarah Miller is the author of the novels “Inside the Mind of Gideon Rayburn” and “The Other Girl.” She lives in Nevada City, Calif., and she wrote this for the Los Angeles Times.