Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Boyfriend is stressed all the time

 

Dear Carolyn: How do you tell someone you love that you think they might have a psychiatric issue that needs to be addressed, i.e., crippling anxiety?

My boyfriend keeps saying he doesn’t want to get married until he’s ready to have kids because he’s stressed out all the time. However, he won’t do anything to alleviate the stress except to suggest moving across the country because the nice weather will make all of his problems go away.

I think it’s horse-pucky. His mom also has an anxiety disorder, which makes me think that’s what’s going on with him.

Wants to Move Forward

His anxiety is not the problem here. The problem is that you have a “move forward” agenda with your boyfriend and you haven’t yet learned to speak the truth to him.

“Your mother has an anxiety disorder. You’re telling me you’re too stressed out for marriage and kids, then doing some dance about weather. Isn’t it time to connect the dots and get screened for anxiety yourself?”

If expressing honest concern is enough to derail your relationship, then, wow, wouldn’t that be a good thing to know before you relocate or reproduce?

As-is, you don’t like your life with your boyfriend. The part of your brain that’s willing to admit this has to be the one doing the talking. You love him, so you’re going to worry that using this voice will be mean, but it’s not. Suppressing it is.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at washingtonpost.com.

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

  • Teens, young adults using melatonin more

    Melatonin is growing in popularity among teens and young adults who are trying to regulate their sleep cycle, but experts say using good sleep hygiene such as sticking to a consistent sleep-and-wake schedule is a better solution.

  •  
 <span class="cutline_leadin">MOMENTS BEFORE TRAGEDY:</span> A  video  shows the girl, in pink shorts and braided ponytail, with her hands clutched around the grip of the submachine gun.

    In My Opinion

    Ana Veciana-Suarez: A 9-year-old with an Uzi? That’s crazy

    There is nothing, absolutely nothing logical or sensible or worthwhile in having a 9-year-old learn to use an Uzi. No reason, none whatsoever, for a child to handle a fully automatic gun.

  • Wine

    Marvelous malbec deserves to be discovered

    In a restaurant in Buenos Aires, I ordered a “half” parrillada, so they plunked down only about five pounds of beef on the grill on my table.

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category