Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Woman not ready for marriage looks for nice way to say no

 

Dear Abby: I have been with my boyfriend, “Ned,” for almost two years. I’m 19 and we have lived together since we started dating. I love Ned, but I feel like we moved too fast into our relationship and now he’s trying to keep it moving as quickly as possible. I’m afraid he’s going to propose soon. What should I say if he pops the question? I’m not ready for that kind of commitment, but I don’t want him to be angry with me if I say no.

Torn in Ohio

Honesty is the best policy. Not wanting to upset someone would be a very poor reason for getting married. If Ned pops the question, it is perfectly all right to tell him exactly what you have shared with me — that you are not ready for that kind of commitment because you are only 19. It’s the truth.

If Ned becomes angry, do not allow him to stampede you into saying yes. That kind of reaction could be a warning sign of someone who is a potential abuser.

Dear Abby: I’m 14 and haven’t had a girlfriend yet, but I’m curious about something. When I do have one, will it mean I can’t love other girls? Lots of girls tell me I’m nice, friendly and helpful. I love them. When I have a girlfriend or get married, I won’t be able to stop loving others. Is this wrong, Abby?

Carlos in Donna, Texas

There are varying degrees of love. There is nothing wrong with loving women, as long as you don’t love them all at the same time. If you do, it may upset your girlfriend or wife.

When you are ready for a permanent relationship, the feelings you will have for the woman you’re involved with will be stronger than those you are feeling now. However, if that doesn’t happen, consider it a sign that you aren’t ready to settle down or were meant to be a bachelor.

Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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