So, Heat fans, would you like your diaper in small, medium or large?
That stakes couldn’t get higher than they were in Year 1. But they got higher in Year 2. They couldn’t get higher than they were in Year 2. But now they are even higher. It is like the stakes are procreating — multiplying before your eyes like ants emerging from a kicked hill of sand. The caring and investment of the past three years have grown over time the way the best relationships do. And, like the most meaningful relationships in our real life outside of this fun-and-games world, we’re about to find out if we’re attending a funeral or a wedding.
All the Heat has to do is go through a Spurs team led by giant Tim Duncan, who has won as many professional championships as Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh combined.
Extra large? Would you prefer the extra-large option on the adult diaper?
Such a magical and weird thing, sports. Think about the ways you entertain yourself. Movies. Music. Dinner. Dancing. There is nothing anywhere in entertainment, nothing, that feels quite this way, combining fear, frenzy and fun. You might go to a disappointing concert, but it isn’t going to haunt you for days with that heavy the-more-you-care-the-more-it-lingers sickness. No matter how impacting or awful a movie, you aren’t likely to lose sleep or wake up the next morning thinking about the ending. But if the Heat loses this thing, and Heat fans can sleep that night, it will be the first awful thing that greets them upon waking. If the Heat wins this thing, and Heat fans can sleep that night, they will wake up feeling like winners. There is very little in life, never mind entertainment, that is this strange and wonderful combination of both borrowed and owned.
I had a ridiculous conversation with the audience on the radio this week. What’s the greatest feeling a human can feel? Love of a child, right? So I asked Heat-fan parents what level of shame they would allow their children to endure in exchange for a guaranteed victory. One parent wished one year of bad breath upon his child. Another made his son obese for a year (but made a huge moral parenting stand on his daughter). One parent put a banana peel on the stage at a school play. Another was OK with all his son’s classmates knowing the boy wasn’t well endowed. And all of this was for a guaranteed victory in the last round ... just to get to this one.
I told you.
This is dumb, unreasonable and lacks any and all perspective.
And tonight, thank you Heavenly Father, it is here.