Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Money spent to keep kids from smoking is no bribe

 

Dear Abby: I was surprised to see you equate a concerned grandmother’s creative solution to smoking with bribery in your Feb. 14 column. The word “bribe” has a negative connotation. What the grandmother did was offer an incentive, NOT a bribe, that will benefit her grandchildren in the long run. I think the woman should be congratulated.

Now for a disclaimer: When my daughter was 14, I came up with the same idea in the form of a wager. I bet her that if she could resist peer pressure and not become a smoker by the time she was 21, I would buy her the dress of her dreams. To my delight, she won the bet. By then she was studying to become a marine biologist, so instead of a dress, the money went toward a wetsuit.

At 43, she’s still a nonsmoker and she has now made that same bet with her children. It’s the best money I ever spent.

Retired Clinical Social Worker

Oh me, oh my, did I get clobbered for my response to that letter. Read on:

Dear Abby: In my many years as a school psychologist, I have counseled hundreds of parents and teachers about dealing with behavioral issues in children. I often make the distinction between a “bribe” and a “reward” by describing a bribe as something you give someone to do something dishonest, while a reward is given for doing something commendable. What she did was reward their good choice.

Old-School Psychologist

Dear Abby: When you give someone money for something that has already been completed, it’s a paycheck and not a bribe. It was pointed out to me that few of us would continue to go to work if we weren’t paid for it, and those grandchildren were being paid for “work” that was already completed. It’s an important distinction that may be helpful for parents and other adults to understand.

Former School Principal

Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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