Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Mother of two wants another, but hubbie doesn’t

 

Dear Carolyn: I want to try for another baby, my husband doesn’t. We have two beautiful children and a happy family, but I always wanted more. We started later than planned, and we’re both late 30s, so he’s concerned about health risks (mostly for the would-be child), being that much older when the child graduates high school, etc., and to a lesser extent, the additional stress, strain on finances, etc.

If I really, really pushed, I know he’d give in — he has said as much — and I know that’s not right. We both need to be excited at the prospect.

So how do I let go of this nagging feeling inside? I share his concerns, though I’m more prone to say, “Let the chips fall where they may.”

I’m not really satisfied at work and have little else in my life that fulfills me personally; it’s my role as a mommy that seems to define me now, and I love it. So maybe that’s why I can’t shake this feeling that another child would make me more complete.

No-More-Baby Blues

“I … have little else in my life that fulfills me personally; it’s my role as a mommy that seems to define me now, and I love it.”

There’s nothing wrong with feeling as if parenthood is your calling, but you’re verging on peril when it becomes the way you define yourself. Your kids will grow up and move on, including your third child, if you have one, and then what? It would help your kids immensely, in ways they might not recognize, to see you redefine yourself in a way that’s enduring, useful, and an honest expression of who you are. Wouldn’t hurt for you to see it, either.

I know it’s daunting, but so is caring for helpless little humans, and you seem to have gotten that down.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at washingtonpost.com.

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