• My headline to reflect media coverage of last week’s NASCAR season opener: DANICA FINISHES 8TH IN DAYTONA 500; SOMEONE ELSE WINS
• Answer: Texas Rangers shortstop Elvis Andrus missed a spring game with a sore arm blamed on a recently acquired tattoo. Question: Is it ever a good idea to probably lie about why you missed a game?
• Dolphin Jared Odrick is enrolled in an NFL “Hollywood Boot Camp” for players considering post-football careers in film. Based on his sack dance, your Pee-wee Herman punch line goes here.
• I really must get my hearing checked. I thought I just heard someone say Joe Flacco is the highest-paid player in NFL history.
• Congratulations to South Florida’s basketball dynasty. What? You thought I meant the Heat? I meant a fourth consecutive state championship for the Fort Lauderdale Dillard High girls’ team.
• Ronda Rousey won UFC 157, the first mixed-martial arts card headlined by women. Sorry, but on the grand scale of trail-blazing women I doubt Ronda will rank with the Suffragettes or Susan B. Anthony.
• More than 8,000 masochists participated in last week’s Miami Super Spartan Race, a grueling eight-mile obstacle course that involved crawling through a mud bog. I stood along the course not so much supporting the athletes as holding a sign that read, “What is WRONG With You People!?”
• That reminds me. The eight-day, 300-mile Everglades Challenge for kayakers is under way. There is something about outdoorsmen that is romanticized. How come indoorsmen like me never get any credit?
• Parting thought: Ravens receiver Jacoby Jones is on the new season of Dancing With the Stars. I’d rather see his ex-teammate Ray Lewis on the new season of “Squirrel-Dancing With the Stars.”
Visit Greg’s Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at MiamiHerald.com and follow on Twitter @gregcote.